ciao

tahnee is probably going to kick my ass for editing that for her..but oh well i need to vent somewhere..and i always open up with a new picture...thats from yesterday..she has to do some promotional thing for school and try to sell an umbrella...

this week has been enough to push me over the limit..and i havent exactly figure out what to do about it..i absolutely hate when people walk out of my life..i feel as if i need them..and them bam they are gone..

I`m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe

i cant stop crying

i asked my mother to take me to my surgery next wednesday and she told me only if she can bring her boyfriend..well that guy has ripped my family apart..caused me way too much heartache to handle..and im sure as hell not going to let him in my apartment..hell im not going to let him anywhere near me..i cant stand how she still puts him in front of me..i should have known to never ask my mom for anything

this halloween marks one year that i met someone that destroyed my life for a short time too..and i know its getting closer..and it pushes me to the limit even more..this is never a good time for me...september and october have always kicked my ass....and both of my parents birthdays are in those months..i have always wondered if thats part of it..hell i dont even know how i remember my fathers birthday...sometimes i wonder how he is doing..i hope all is well..i dont wish bad things on anyone

i hate to make people worry..its just not my thing..i think people have enough to worry about on their own..dont need my problems on their plate also

i dont have anyone to turn to..im not used to having anyone there..so i just dont know how to talk to people anymore..im so awkward..i wish i could change that..or i wish someone would stick around long enough to help me change that....[they never do]

id like to think everything happens for a reason..and maybe things would have been different if i were a different time/different place.

if you just read all of that im sorry...that was just be getting shit off my chest...
my eyes are burning..my heart is aching and im signing off