churtch

so today is a great day.... yesterday was one of my best friends birthdays so we are planning on getting new ink to celebrate sometime soon, i saw one of my ex boyfriends that i dont get along with, and he actually smiled and waved at me, got most of my stuff moved, im calling in sick to work today, i really am sick, my body hates me, and yet i still feel great about life. Im going to see if my mommy wants to come to my house and help me take care of the rest of the shit i have to finish up on, plus she can take care of my sick ass, i love my mommy (yes i still call her "mommy"). My bed is really warm and i love it, too bad ill be sleeping on a couch until i move away, so i am enjoying it while i can. i feel like rambling so sorry if none of this makes any sense. oh yes, and i started writing again, ive been a bit down on life lately, so i found my old note pad with my poetry in it and started writing, its been a long damn time since ive really done that, and i found that i feel a thousand times better about the whole situation.
yesterday while i was at work i sat at my machine, and really thought about the things i want out of my life, and then i thought about the things i used to think i wanted, its amazing how things can change in your own mind with just a little bit of time. i cant wait to start school, get away from this place, and start my life. ive spent so much time living for everyone else, giving them what they want, so i figure its time to be a bit selfish and go out there and get what I want. i also realized that living for everyone else has made me an all around bitch, more to myself than anyone else, i spent half of my time apologizing for other people that i have been slightly blind to the fact that i have no reason to be sorry. i tend to be entirely too forgiving and i let people walk on me constantly because of it. i think its about time for me to do some of the walking, haha not really, i dont think i can be that person. im not saying im perfect by any means, i know i have my own mistakes to be accountable for, i just really want alot of the people around me to start holding themselves accountable as well. this girl will no longer be doing the dirty work. im going out, making myself happy, because now i know, nobody else will, they can have a hand in it, but its my decision. I want to be happy, and i fucking will be!!!!! that and i fuckin love this picture, it was taken a few months ago, but it reminds me of how happy i can be