So
I'm 23 year-old, I'm back at my mum's... On the south-shore of Montreal, and there's a strike with our bus and metro services so I can't really get out of here without a car... and my mum needs her car to go to work, so it kinda sucks.
I had a super nice weekend planned with Simon. He was supposed to come to my appartment in Quebec city with me on Friday night and we would use extasy together (yeah, I know, again) and then go to Bill and I bday party. But Simon says he can't have a super fun night with me on Extasy and the day after go and confort Eric (my now ex-boyfriend...) so it's cancelled. I guess I'll go to Quebec city only Saturday night and go to the party and come back on Sunday afternoon.
I'm really sad cuz the only people who showed me compassion or whatever it can be were on SG and not in "real life". Everybody around me, except for Jackie and perhaps SImon, feels very bad for Eric, they care for him and they wanna confort him and nobody cares about me. Just because I'm the one who dumped him.
Even though they won't read this, I need to make things clear and empty my bag. I do feel pain inside of me, I feel like shit and everytime I cross the street, I cross my fingers that a crazy driver will hit me hard and I can just go away from all this. I dumped Eric not because I don't love him anymore but because I don't think that for now, I love him enough. I truly wished he could be the one for me and I did wanna get married with him and have his kids. And now that it won't happen, I'm fucking lost. And no, I won't cry in front of you cuz I don't cry in front of people! When I was young, my father used to hit me behind my head when I was crying cuz he told me crying was for the weaks. So I stopped crying in front of people. But I'm crying my heart out to sleep, when I wake up alone and as I'm typing this shit too.
My mum didn't even hug me. She told me I was stupid and that it would be a mistake I'll regret for a long time.
Maybe she's right, I think she is, but that's not what I needed.
I miss Eric. I wish I could go see him and just stick myself into his arms and stay there forever but I can't. I need to fix myself cuz I'm going insane since a few months and that is why I broke up. To make the point with myself and find out who I am and what I want.
Anyway, that existential crisis I'm going through since Xmas has got to stop. I can't handle it anymore.
I'm 23 year-old, I'm back at my mum's... On the south-shore of Montreal, and there's a strike with our bus and metro services so I can't really get out of here without a car... and my mum needs her car to go to work, so it kinda sucks.
I had a super nice weekend planned with Simon. He was supposed to come to my appartment in Quebec city with me on Friday night and we would use extasy together (yeah, I know, again) and then go to Bill and I bday party. But Simon says he can't have a super fun night with me on Extasy and the day after go and confort Eric (my now ex-boyfriend...) so it's cancelled. I guess I'll go to Quebec city only Saturday night and go to the party and come back on Sunday afternoon.
I'm really sad cuz the only people who showed me compassion or whatever it can be were on SG and not in "real life". Everybody around me, except for Jackie and perhaps SImon, feels very bad for Eric, they care for him and they wanna confort him and nobody cares about me. Just because I'm the one who dumped him.
Even though they won't read this, I need to make things clear and empty my bag. I do feel pain inside of me, I feel like shit and everytime I cross the street, I cross my fingers that a crazy driver will hit me hard and I can just go away from all this. I dumped Eric not because I don't love him anymore but because I don't think that for now, I love him enough. I truly wished he could be the one for me and I did wanna get married with him and have his kids. And now that it won't happen, I'm fucking lost. And no, I won't cry in front of you cuz I don't cry in front of people! When I was young, my father used to hit me behind my head when I was crying cuz he told me crying was for the weaks. So I stopped crying in front of people. But I'm crying my heart out to sleep, when I wake up alone and as I'm typing this shit too.
My mum didn't even hug me. She told me I was stupid and that it would be a mistake I'll regret for a long time.
Maybe she's right, I think she is, but that's not what I needed.
I miss Eric. I wish I could go see him and just stick myself into his arms and stay there forever but I can't. I need to fix myself cuz I'm going insane since a few months and that is why I broke up. To make the point with myself and find out who I am and what I want.
Anyway, that existential crisis I'm going through since Xmas has got to stop. I can't handle it anymore.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
it seems like its been forever since i talked to you
i hope things smooth out for you
Les gens n'ont pas te dire que c'est une erreur, on fait rarement des erreurs dans la vie.
Je vais venir faire un tour pour te porter les colliers demain....
Je t'envois un message
Bisoux, prends soin de toi
xoxox