The truth fucking hurts...but no as much as suspecting the truth and being lied to.
I finally got the truth from Trevor...Only because Nic and Patrick felt that I needed to know the truth. I am not even sure if it is completely the truth, and he certainly wont give me anything clue about her...
Yeah, her...We are going to call her Arazonia(sp?) or AZ. Yeah...She lives in AZ, which is farther away from him that I live. Though, he claims him breaking up with me had nothing to do with her, it had to do with the fact that I changed....And just coinendicently he moved over very shortly after he broke up with me.
He said he still loves me and cares about me, but something about not loving me on the same scale as my emotions are.
I really don't know what comes next. I feel so weird inside. Like I should be angry, like I should be upset, sad, depressed, and strangely, I feel a bit better. Better because I know the truth now. But I am still filled with so many questions...Questions that only he can give me, and wont.
I wish I was just the type of person who didn't obsess or dwell or hold on to things like I do.
I need a new guy, I guess...I need to try to move my life on...I need someone new to fuck up...heh...The problem with that is...I am so god damn picky. I don't want to be superficial, but let's face it, to a degree we all are...And emotionally, I am too emotionally unstable to be in relationships.
I just want to give up so bad, but I also know, I have to get over these feelings and I have no idea how to rush that along.
Not only that, if I found a guy who was good to me, I am too emotionally scarred to trust that he will be good to me...and that is even if I like him enough to consider letting things get that far...
Maybe I should go back to my date/makeout with/fuck list:
At one point, after my breakup before Trevor, I made this list of guys I wanted to consider dating, fucking it even just making out with...:
~eye candy...completely nothing more than something nice to look at...
~an Asian guy (preferrably Koren)
~a twin or triplet or some multiple childbirth
~a musician
~a sugar daddy
~a red headed chick...heh
~a celebrity
~a younger man (but I accomplished this one)
~someone with a British accent...
If you guys can think of anything else i should add to my list let me know...Also, if you think you could somehow get me in contact with someone to check off my list let me know, too...Though, I am weird with the eye candy one...heh...
I need to go to bed, but I doubt I will get to sleep any time soon.
~C~
I finally got the truth from Trevor...Only because Nic and Patrick felt that I needed to know the truth. I am not even sure if it is completely the truth, and he certainly wont give me anything clue about her...
Yeah, her...We are going to call her Arazonia(sp?) or AZ. Yeah...She lives in AZ, which is farther away from him that I live. Though, he claims him breaking up with me had nothing to do with her, it had to do with the fact that I changed....And just coinendicently he moved over very shortly after he broke up with me.
He said he still loves me and cares about me, but something about not loving me on the same scale as my emotions are.
I really don't know what comes next. I feel so weird inside. Like I should be angry, like I should be upset, sad, depressed, and strangely, I feel a bit better. Better because I know the truth now. But I am still filled with so many questions...Questions that only he can give me, and wont.
I wish I was just the type of person who didn't obsess or dwell or hold on to things like I do.
I need a new guy, I guess...I need to try to move my life on...I need someone new to fuck up...heh...The problem with that is...I am so god damn picky. I don't want to be superficial, but let's face it, to a degree we all are...And emotionally, I am too emotionally unstable to be in relationships.
I just want to give up so bad, but I also know, I have to get over these feelings and I have no idea how to rush that along.
Not only that, if I found a guy who was good to me, I am too emotionally scarred to trust that he will be good to me...and that is even if I like him enough to consider letting things get that far...
Maybe I should go back to my date/makeout with/fuck list:
At one point, after my breakup before Trevor, I made this list of guys I wanted to consider dating, fucking it even just making out with...:
~eye candy...completely nothing more than something nice to look at...
~an Asian guy (preferrably Koren)
~a twin or triplet or some multiple childbirth
~a musician
~a sugar daddy
~a red headed chick...heh
~a celebrity
~a younger man (but I accomplished this one)
~someone with a British accent...
If you guys can think of anything else i should add to my list let me know...Also, if you think you could somehow get me in contact with someone to check off my list let me know, too...Though, I am weird with the eye candy one...heh...
I need to go to bed, but I doubt I will get to sleep any time soon.
~C~