Right now I am to the point where I am so sick of guys (no offence). I suppose it is my fault for the way I am treated. I don't know if it is because I am so open and blunt about sex and whatnot, but that is all most of my guy "friends" want out of me. If I am not willing to joke around with them sexually, or take dirty pictures of myself, or whatnot then I just don't exist for anything else.
Yes, I am a pervert, and I enjoy talking about and joking around about sex most of the time, but there is a lot more to me than that. Maybe it doesn't seem that way, and maybe most people I just don't warm up to very easily.
And maybe I can't have it both ways...Maybe expecting someone to want me sexually and intellectually and just to want to have fun and enjoy my company is too much. I can't be viewed as the sweet, good girl, and the dirty, kinky girl, too. Only thing is...I am...that is just my personality. I can say something sweet, innocent, and cute 1 minute then turn around and say something vulgar and obscene the next.
I have always been the type who wins over the parents of my friends and such, they love me, but I can turn around and be the type that would dress up in some outfit and let a guy tie me to the bed. I am also the type of girl that would try to jokingly cheat at like MarioKart just being playful.
I just don't understand why only 1 part of my personality is all that is acceptable.
To be honest, I am not really looking to be in a relationship, either. I am fed up with being in love, I am about to the point I would be willing to trade ever feeling in love again if it would get me out of the mess I am in right now.
I just truely want a best friend again. I want someone I feel comfortable with, and I can act my crazy, goofy self and they enjoy it. Someone I feel I can talk to, trust, will be there for me if I need them, and wont judge me. Also, someone who wont turn their back on me.
The shedevil used to be that kind of friend, until the last couple years. Then for some reason she became really judgemental of everything I did, and came to the point where I couldn't tell her anything anymore.
I hate myself for loving her...and I hate myself for loving Trevor (no offense, Trev). I just want this madness to stop.
Also, I think I suck at my job
~C~
Yes, I am a pervert, and I enjoy talking about and joking around about sex most of the time, but there is a lot more to me than that. Maybe it doesn't seem that way, and maybe most people I just don't warm up to very easily.
And maybe I can't have it both ways...Maybe expecting someone to want me sexually and intellectually and just to want to have fun and enjoy my company is too much. I can't be viewed as the sweet, good girl, and the dirty, kinky girl, too. Only thing is...I am...that is just my personality. I can say something sweet, innocent, and cute 1 minute then turn around and say something vulgar and obscene the next.
I have always been the type who wins over the parents of my friends and such, they love me, but I can turn around and be the type that would dress up in some outfit and let a guy tie me to the bed. I am also the type of girl that would try to jokingly cheat at like MarioKart just being playful.
I just don't understand why only 1 part of my personality is all that is acceptable.
To be honest, I am not really looking to be in a relationship, either. I am fed up with being in love, I am about to the point I would be willing to trade ever feeling in love again if it would get me out of the mess I am in right now.
I just truely want a best friend again. I want someone I feel comfortable with, and I can act my crazy, goofy self and they enjoy it. Someone I feel I can talk to, trust, will be there for me if I need them, and wont judge me. Also, someone who wont turn their back on me.
The shedevil used to be that kind of friend, until the last couple years. Then for some reason she became really judgemental of everything I did, and came to the point where I couldn't tell her anything anymore.
I hate myself for loving her...and I hate myself for loving Trevor (no offense, Trev). I just want this madness to stop.
Also, I think I suck at my job
~C~
I know a lot of people who are looking for that girl who likes to be cute sometimes and still be kinky. That type of girl is in a lot more demand than you think!
and the right person will be there when they are
just so you know i am 43 yrs old and i still do not understasnd everything yet myself.