I've tried to update a few times in the last couple of weeks, but things just keep coming up. I had this whole entry I was working on about this wonderfully cute girl I've met, but then some things happened with my wife (major depressive episode) and I didn't really feel like caring about this other girl, let alone sharing the news (which doesn't seem to apply anymore, I need to get in touch with her, it's been over a week now since I talked to her last).
People don't seem to understand depression. They ask "Whats wrong, what is causing it?" A lot of the time, especially with recurring depression, there isn't a reason, it is just there. The person can even tell you that the feelings they are having are total bullshit, but it doesn't make those feelings any less real for them. There is something chemically wrong, not emotionally wrong, sometimes no ammount of talking can help. Those are the scary times. The times when you're utterly unable to help and you can only just sit there, offer to be with them if they want you. Saying reassuring things gets you yelled at. Contradicting what they're saying gets you yelled at. Sometimes just being there gets you yelled at.
I've said it before, it's a burden that I do not mind bearing. I love her more than anything, but damn this load gets heavy sometimes.
Life other than that is going really well. Today is the first day of my vacation, I did inventory last night and don't have to be back at work until February. Many games will be played in the times between. Also going to Jax next weekend to play some D&D and hopefully meet Paine for some awesome sushi and plum wine.
People don't seem to understand depression. They ask "Whats wrong, what is causing it?" A lot of the time, especially with recurring depression, there isn't a reason, it is just there. The person can even tell you that the feelings they are having are total bullshit, but it doesn't make those feelings any less real for them. There is something chemically wrong, not emotionally wrong, sometimes no ammount of talking can help. Those are the scary times. The times when you're utterly unable to help and you can only just sit there, offer to be with them if they want you. Saying reassuring things gets you yelled at. Contradicting what they're saying gets you yelled at. Sometimes just being there gets you yelled at.
I've said it before, it's a burden that I do not mind bearing. I love her more than anything, but damn this load gets heavy sometimes.
Life other than that is going really well. Today is the first day of my vacation, I did inventory last night and don't have to be back at work until February. Many games will be played in the times between. Also going to Jax next weekend to play some D&D and hopefully meet Paine for some awesome sushi and plum wine.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I hate that women will flock to a loser like that...it makes me sad for my gender
And yeah...the depression thing...mine has waned over the years, which is great, but my sister deals with it hardcore, and because she lives with me I can see how hard it is. Especially the whole realizing the feelings are bullshit but not able to do anything bit. I'm glad you're willing to go the mile for your wife, and it's not unreasonable to get a little tired sometimes--it's hard work, even if you gladly do it.
And yes...I feel better now. I'll have to tell you the story of what my problem was when you come to Jax. It's funny as hell.