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chriswparker

United Kingdom

Member Since 2004

Followers 10 Following 21

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Monday Jul 09, 2007

Jul 9, 2007
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Ok update!

I've been in bother for not updating my blog... so here we go hmmmm

Firstly, my poor laptop is being fixed, cos this morning it didn't wanna wake up, I kept prodding it, and switching it on, but to no avail *sob* it's got to the laptop doctor to see if he can revive it. Fingers crossed. It feels like I've lost a limb, I've lost contact with the outside world, maybe I spend too much time online? Maybe there's not enough fun in the real world to take me away from being offline. Even my offline friends, real tangible people are online half the time. And I know my online friends are real tangible people, but most of them I've never met. No matter touched to see if there were real, ha ha!

Though on the subject of laptops, I am waiting work to buy me a new Mac laptop. Hmmm. Nice. Work is good. But after the effort of putting the exhibition together, and the stress of the split from the ex a few months ago, I'm getting lazy again. Probably because there's not much to do at the mo. Next week is busy, but all I've done in the past 2 weeks is sit on my arse in the office, bacon butties for breakfast, Guinness for lunch, in danger of putting the weight back on. Though come September, I'll be mega busy, full time technician and full time student too! Cripes!

Ok Ladies. You wanna know about ladies. There's none at the mo, none I've had my hands on. There's the one who will be out again soon, and I can't wait to see her. But she's made it very clear that she's not looking for anything more than a 'special friend' ha ha! I would like to get to know her a lot better than I do at the mo though; we never spent enough time with each other before she had to go away for a while. Another week and she'll be back on the scene.

Then there's one I made a mistake with. She came on too fast and too soon with me a while back, and I really did like her, but she'd read all my blogs and really knew where I was at. I ran a mile, and think in our own ways we both did mind games, though not intentionally, and I gave up. I've never been one to play the chasing game, and I left it. But I'm emotionally in a much better place than I was back then, and kicking myself because of it. I still don't really know what she wanted from it all, it did seem to change, but though she's talking to me again, I don't think she'd ever wanna see me again. That's a shame, and I have apologised to her.

And then there's the one who I do like, and she is single again now, but only recently, and it's been an upsetting time for her, and to be honest I'd rather be her friend as I am now than do something silly and make a move and spoil things. She does know how I feel, I'm sure of it. She was round with a few others at mine last night to watch a film, and was the last to leave, and wants to go for a couple of beers later. The thing is, is that I have always been crap at reading signals. I am an ex-genius, nuclear physics, languages, music (well not playing instruments, ha ha), and she could be out with me tonight and stand on the table in the pub, strip off and say 'I WANT YOU NOW CHRIS!' and I still wouldn't be sure if I made a move I'd be making a fool of myself. Ok, I exaggerate, but you know what I mean.

It's all a waiting game. But I know what will happen, as it always does, the girls will all express an interest all at once, and yet again, I'll end up with none! Ha ha!
There are girls I speak to online too, and we have a good laugh, a damn good laugh, and I often don't know what's happening there with some of them. Wait and see, Chris, have patience, and all will become clear.

Then there's the married ex, who told me she still loves me, and wants me, but she's married, kids an all, and though she's bored and frustrated, she needs to sort out what she wants for her own good, and not based on the few moments we have spent together since 2005.

When I give my heart, I give it completely. I have been burned too many times, and I am slower to give it now, I think. I hope. But once I have it is unconditional. It makes me cold and standoffish to know me to begin with. I know that. You can flirt with me, and I will flirt back tenfold, and you can come back to mine and I will exhaust myself to give pleasure, but to get my heart, it takes time, and there are so many barriers to break thru. I'm not the only one who needs patience. That isn't directed at anyone at all, it's just the facts, Ma'am.

All in all though, I'm good. Happy where I am, if lonely. I have friends, but I don't have companionship, and I will not rush to find it. I have a great job, a fucking career! Yay! A lovely flat, all the gadgets and toys a man could want (well will have when the laptop is fixed!). I just have to be patient for the non material things.

oh, and laptop is fixed now, yay!!!
chomper:
It's good to hear from you hun I know what your saying about the friends though sometimes i sit here writing messages to people and i wonder if they are just a figment of my imagination and i feel like i'm going crazy but the people that i have met from here have turned out to be real and amazing I really have met some of my best friends on here

I'm sorry your lonley sweetie you know you can come and talk to me anytime I'll always be your friend when the time is right you'll find someone i promise a gorgeous sweet guy like you is not gonna stay on their own for long so make the most of being single whilst you can biggrin biggrin biggrin
Jul 11, 2007

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