chriskaasi

Its blazing late softglow orange and from what I can tell this is obviously the middle of nowhere. I distinctly remember the sound of those songs they used to play back when everything supposedly meant something and she was too young to drink legally ah me, the typical sleaze Ive always been, dragging the kids into corruption, though it was ultimately me, who ended up dying a million exaggerated teenangst-style deaths (and really, theres nothing more tactless than whining about girlfriends in public places.) Jesus, I remember the time Joe smashed the glass at his ex-girlfriends feet at the Moto Lounge (five inches from my feet), and then turned and stormed out like a little girl throwing a temper tantrum, and I found myself thinking, Thats it I dont care who Sherry fucks I never wanna look that lame in front of this many people. but of course, Joes always been a local rockgod, and hence a thousand girls ran to his side in an attempt to do anything to ease the pain of his glorious broken heart. Theyre brooding off in the distance, making their way through latenight streets, sauntering off to where the real action is, and Im here drunk watching the cool kids play pool wondering why I cant seem to pawn my demo tapes off on anyone good. (something that meant something at twenty-five, but would-be rockstardom lost its flavour around the time I turned twenty-eight.) (and of course all hope was dead by thirty.) Sherrys drunk, bouncing from person to person stamping them on the back of the hand with a little rubber happyface stamp. Shes wearing a short white skirt and her ass looks incredible she knows it too everybody knows it the pool kids are standing there watching her make her way through the crowd. Shes heading towards me. (She has property to claim.) Mauras sitting on my lap, and Sherrys asking her if she wants a happyface stamp Mauras thrilled (such an odd little scorpio something like a twenty-two year old child.) Sherrys jealous, but shes trying to cover it up shes talking too fast and being too nice she seems so alien to me this isnt the person I spent the last four years with. I have my arms around Mauras waist, with my hands clasped, resting in her lap. Im getting under Sherrys skin, but its such a hollow victory. Sherry has to leave. She has to go meet Jacob Lucas at the Milk Bar. Shell walk down the street past the bums past the drunk kids falling over past the empty skyscrapers past the parked cars past the weekend cops past the underpass of the people mover past the emptiness of latenight past the essence of everything that once was. Shell move in with Jacob. Shell fuck his roomate. Shell even fuck her boss. Shell see my cousin in Gainesville. Shell tell him everything. Shell get engaged to Jacob. Shell marry Jacob on Cinco de Mayo. Shell disappear. Ill lose interest. Ill feel empty. Ill drink and drink. Ill bounce from nothing to nothing. Ill take another job. Ill make a decent living. Ill have the life snuffed out of me by corporate America and a dull routine. Ill sober up and realize how nowhere I am. Ill read physics books. Ill read philosophy books. Ill champion my own importance. Ill feel disconnected. Ill check my watch.
Its funny how things seem to have a way of sliding into oblivion and here we seemingly are, with our heads turned slightly off to one side, only years later wondering how the fuck we got so far off track in the first place our desires have all been burned and now we simply want some vague solution to some vague problem some vague notion of some vague comfort to soothe all of our vague anguish.

Blank want and it fades into nothing in particular.