chriskaasi

Ive put an awful lot into being nothing and so otherworldly oblivious all wrapped in one lost package the kinda thing that keeps society at armslength and mothers on anti-depressants, but my intentions were never really anything more than bad dating shows in the middle of the night while cats sleep on top of computers and the full moon has a halo around it and the sun and moon are weird in the sense that everyones seen them pick any celebrity at random Albert Einstein? Yep, he saw the same sun and moon that you looked at today Jesus Christ? Yep, he saw the same sun and moon that you looked at today Carrot Top? Yep, he saw the same sun and moon that you looked at today Me? yep, I saw the same sun and moon that you looked at today and in that sense everything in this life is connected a million random events and even chaos has a pattern. But pattern-shmattern (segues are for pussies) Im standing in line at the gas station a little before midnight with a twelvepack and a newfound sense of guilt now that the internet has seemingly infiltrated my subconcious. My attention is completely fixed on the two young lesbians in front of me just the weirdest pairing you could ever imagine the girl on the right is something of a princess tall with long black curly hair and wearing a black lacey shirt with tight black dress slacks shes dressed for a night on the town in the most jetset of ways. The girl on the left is petite with oversized carpenter jeans and a plaid button up shirt. Her hair is short and messy. She looks like a teenage boy with a teenage girls face shes cute with a few piercings too many and no make up. Every word out of her mouth is clever and theatrical Im torn between staring at the princesss ass and listening to every brilliant thing the little boy-girl says. From where Im standing no one can quite see my eyes which at this point are completely fixated on the tiny little triangle outline of the princesss thong and I have such a strong sense of that soft black cotton pressed against her ass. But the little boy-girl is robbing me of my sex thoughts shes saying something cute shes turning to the princess and saying something like they shoulda bought another bottle of sodie pop., and now Im dying inside. The little boy-girl is shapeshifting from lesbian to elf and Im falling in love with her total strangeness. Shes such an odd little enigma, so seemingly out of place on this planet too good for this planet, and Im realizing if I was stranded on a desert island Id give up the would-be hotsex company of the princess for the oddball sweetheart company of the little boy-girl. Another clerk has stepped up to the other register. I pay for my beer and head out to my car. The lesbians are still inside the gas station. Theyve stopped at the ATM. Theyre finally walking outside now and Im pretending to be distracted, fumbling with a few books on the passenger seat just making an excuse to not leave yet just making an excuse to get one more good look at the adorable little lesbian elf-girl. Shes talking up a storm and gesturing. Shes making a joke that seems funny even here in the front seat of my car with no idea of what shes saying.
The lesbians fade off into their own cool lives and I bleed lost into my own. Im drinking at my computer listening to music while one cat sleeps on top of it and the other sleeps in the chair behind me. Im ignoring the pain Ive had in my liver for the past two years. At this very moment, Im alive. At this very moment Im occupying a space under this soft cold moon while my insides presumably rot. At this very moment there are adorable lesbians kissing and cuddling soft and sleepy under the same cold moon the same cold moon someone like Jesus Christ probably looked at alone in the middle of the night while questioning his sanity. (And Wilco says, All my lies are only wishes I would die if I could come back new, right as Im typing this.) Right as my mothers agonizing, laying sleepless under the same cold moon full of anti-depressants cause her only childs organs are self-diseased. Im full of disease and Im dying fast, questioning my sanity under this cold moon. Ive died before and Ill die again. I saw the same sun and moon that you looked at today. The sun and moon are weird in the sense that everyones seen them.
~steve