chrischick

There seems to be a pattern here.
Chris meets guy.
Chris likes guy.
Guy likes Chris.
Chris and guy hang out, maybe even make out.
Chris REALLY likes guy.
then.
Nothing.
Guy is over Chris.

So...what's the deal here? Am I choosing the wrong guys or am I just a supremely fucked up person that no one wants to be with??

I know what I am supposed to do. Be myself. Be awesome. Have a great time with friends. Go out and have fun. Enrich my OWN life. Care about ME.

But it's hard. Because it seems that I'm in love with being in love.

I hear it all the time...Chris you're beautifultalentedsmartawesomeambitiousincrediblefriendlyblahblahblah. Sometimes it just feels meaningless though.

And I am not one of those girls that needs to have a boyfriend all the time...because I am not...but it's nice to know that I'm wanted and I'm not a COMPLETE leper. Someone who likes ME and not just my face or body or some idealized Internet version of me. The whole me...not the crazy confident party Chris that comes out at SG events and such. The real me. I'm sick of guys befriending me just so they can get in my pants. I'm sick of always having to chase people. I'm sick of putting all the effort into these stupid guys.

::sigh::

I just get very tired.

It's exhausting to be heartbroken and sad over stupid guys who couldn't give a fuck.

I can see how women get bitter over men.

Maybe I do care too much.


But is that such a bad thing??