chride

I have this feeling in my gut that work is going to get worse, so I think its time to consider myself lucky that I've lasted this long at all. If someone told me a long time ago that I'd still be dancing after graduating from college --and at my age--I would have told them to shove it. But then again, I would have never thought I'd be a suicidegirl, either. Its so easy to loose yourself when you're constantly being forced to be someone else. I have to put a pretty face on something that I don't completely stand behind. I have to suck down this horrible feeling everytime I'm there. It makes everything feel so small. I accomplish a goal that I've been trying to reach for so long, and then I go to work where I have to cover my tattoos. They've taken all of the joy I've found in my own individuality and shit all over it. They've even threatened to fire me if I get anymore tattoos. I love my life, but there's a huge part that's empty because I can't do what I want to do. I suppose now I'll simply throw some more effort into my practice and try to get some more clients. I think I'll try to find a mentor, as well. Maybe someone will be able to help me focus all of my energy on something that will make me like myself in my work again.

Chride