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chride

Small Town, LA

SG Since 2007

Followers 6806 Following 521

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Wednesday Feb 04, 2009

Feb 4, 2009
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I have this feeling in my gut that work is going to get worse, so I think its time to consider myself lucky that I've lasted this long at all. If someone told me a long time ago that I'd still be dancing after graduating from college --and at my age--I would have told them to shove it. But then again, I would have never thought I'd be a suicidegirl, either. Its so easy to loose yourself when you're constantly being forced to be someone else. I have to put a pretty face on something that I don't completely stand behind. I have to suck down this horrible feeling everytime I'm there. It makes everything feel so small. I accomplish a goal that I've been trying to reach for so long, and then I go to work where I have to cover my tattoos. They've taken all of the joy I've found in my own individuality and shit all over it. They've even threatened to fire me if I get anymore tattoos. I love my life, but there's a huge part that's empty because I can't do what I want to do. I suppose now I'll simply throw some more effort into my practice and try to get some more clients. I think I'll try to find a mentor, as well. Maybe someone will be able to help me focus all of my energy on something that will make me like myself in my work again.

Chride
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
tilpacer:
I always say, do what makes you happy. smile
Feb 4, 2009
forcefield:
Mmm, for what it's worth I say arrest this situation now before your perspective gets too cloudy.

FF xxx
Feb 4, 2009

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