chloe

Oh, life.
I thought I had everything together, and then I am revealed to be the same lost and confused self I always was. The final drink of whiskey unlatches the gate I didn't even know existed, the one holding back my sobs and angry whispers in the mirror.
I am too fortunate to feel so tragic, I don't know what the fuck my problem is.
With the night comes planning and a sense of having figured something out.
The light of morning reveals a stretch of future so vast, I am frightened into a whimpering, huddled mess. I always just want to go back to bed.
I have such a sense of "should" that I can't begin to fulfill. I should go to work, I should do my homework, I should return emails and pay bills, I should take the cat to the vet, I should go to the gym and smoke less and clean my room and just fucking be PRODUCTIVE.
I should stop being a whiny bitch.
Maybe it's just everything coming down at once, maybe I just have PMS. I know I'm not really as pathetic as I feel this evening.
It's just... one of those days.