My birthday is two weeks from tomorrow.
I haven't liked birthdays for a long time because they remind me that I am getting older and that I still haven't figured shit out. I keep thinking there will be an answer. I keep thinking that I will reach some magic age and I will suddenly know what I am doing with my life. I constantly stave off these demons by telling myself that life is a journey, that I know all I need to know at any given moment, that life is about living and experiencing in the now. It usually works. But around my birthday, those affirmations lose their meaning, and I feel disappointed and afraid.
I haven't liked birthdays for a long time because they remind me that I am getting older and that I still haven't figured shit out. I keep thinking there will be an answer. I keep thinking that I will reach some magic age and I will suddenly know what I am doing with my life. I constantly stave off these demons by telling myself that life is a journey, that I know all I need to know at any given moment, that life is about living and experiencing in the now. It usually works. But around my birthday, those affirmations lose their meaning, and I feel disappointed and afraid.
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Don't worry about getting older and not knowing what the shit is going on with your life, I don't think anybody really knows what they want anymore because life has become so fast-paced and there are so many options that it's pretty much impossible to have a good grasp on what's going on anymore...I often feel like I'm just being swept along the tides of life and trying to keep my head up for hair, sometimes that's all you really can do.