How can you be aware of your surroundings, and know whats going on in your life, your feelings thoughts and emotions, and know that they are genuinly all your own, if your day to day life is controlled by drugs?
Im not talking drugs ohhhh eckies, acid, sulph, weed whatever, none of the "recreational drugs" although I guess these thoughts could be aimed at those too, but im talking prescription drugs?
When they were sending me to the neurologist for my Narcolepsy, it was always the same, how are you doing? had any good days? had any bad days? on a scale of one to five how do you cope with the following activities?
driving, talking to someone on the phone, reading a book, watching tv....blah blah.....
Then it would be here you go, an increased prescriptiona nd on your way.
Of course at the same time I was seeing my "regular" doctor who was prescribing Paxil, Wellbutrin and whatever else she could think of that would get me out of my slump yet not counter the drugs the neurologist had me on.
It was a wicked wicked cycle.
Take these drugs in the morning and in the afternoon, these are to keep you awake, take these other drugs in the evening at bedtime, they are for your moods but they are to also help you sleep.
And if you get groggy in between all of those drugs, here take some of these too....
I felt like I was a robot and the pills were a program that were helping me function....i know I sound like a robot just talking about it. So I decided that there were better and other ways to deal with my situation, than control my bodily functions chemically.
I started seeing a councillor, but to be honest I dont think she really helpoed, she just reinforced the idea that If I wanted to feel better and get better I had to do something about it.
I joined my Krav Maga class, I made goals that I could obtain, such as running another 2 mile race or a 5k race.
Which also gave me a reason to start exercising more, and that made me healthier and it worked.
Or at least it has majorly improved my situation.
Now there are times I still get stressed, and there are times I still get tired, but a nap here or there helps out, and the exercising helps the stress, and the new socializing skill ive obtained also helps.
Ive got to the point now where im frightened to consider having to ever take the medication like that again regularly, because I dont want to lose touchwith myself, so Im always looking for ways to improve things.
My biggest problem is I always seem too darn concerned about other people.
Ive got a friend who passed away new years day, who taught us all a lessona bout life being too short.
Her significant other in Illinois having a hard time dealing with her passing, and his own agrophobia, and its a lot of energy trying to convince him he needs to get away and have a holiday away from normal life to get better, of course my alterior motive is for him to come spend some time with us and hang out, but I think it would be therapy for us both.
Ive got 2 friends getting married this year, one I havent seen in almost 6 years, and whose wedding I cant attend, and one whom ive been friends with for 6 or 7 years now, and im trying to juggle things arounda nd im hoping I can attend, but its currently looking very doubtfull.
*off topic thought...OMG why do these people keep bringing thier dogs into the office? its not a fuckin zoo*
I have some new friends I would like to get to know better, but of course theres that fear of letting them closer and the paranoia that they dont look at friendship the same way I do....and that they end up doing something stupid that makes me feel hurt, or offended or whatever, or vice versa and I do that to them....
..then there are the thoughts in my head about "long lost friends" does time really heal anything?
Particularly when you feel the situation was blown out of proportion in the first place?
What do you do when you still see them living thier life, and sometimes wish you were part of it?
Also... what do you do if you think that theres more going on than you can actually see, if you think you know this person so well, and know that theres something there, something that needs help, but you know that you cant say so?
Life is weird, I get reflective at times too....
who knows what the future holds.
Im not talking drugs ohhhh eckies, acid, sulph, weed whatever, none of the "recreational drugs" although I guess these thoughts could be aimed at those too, but im talking prescription drugs?
When they were sending me to the neurologist for my Narcolepsy, it was always the same, how are you doing? had any good days? had any bad days? on a scale of one to five how do you cope with the following activities?
driving, talking to someone on the phone, reading a book, watching tv....blah blah.....
Then it would be here you go, an increased prescriptiona nd on your way.
Of course at the same time I was seeing my "regular" doctor who was prescribing Paxil, Wellbutrin and whatever else she could think of that would get me out of my slump yet not counter the drugs the neurologist had me on.
It was a wicked wicked cycle.
Take these drugs in the morning and in the afternoon, these are to keep you awake, take these other drugs in the evening at bedtime, they are for your moods but they are to also help you sleep.
And if you get groggy in between all of those drugs, here take some of these too....
I felt like I was a robot and the pills were a program that were helping me function....i know I sound like a robot just talking about it. So I decided that there were better and other ways to deal with my situation, than control my bodily functions chemically.
I started seeing a councillor, but to be honest I dont think she really helpoed, she just reinforced the idea that If I wanted to feel better and get better I had to do something about it.
I joined my Krav Maga class, I made goals that I could obtain, such as running another 2 mile race or a 5k race.
Which also gave me a reason to start exercising more, and that made me healthier and it worked.
Or at least it has majorly improved my situation.
Now there are times I still get stressed, and there are times I still get tired, but a nap here or there helps out, and the exercising helps the stress, and the new socializing skill ive obtained also helps.
Ive got to the point now where im frightened to consider having to ever take the medication like that again regularly, because I dont want to lose touchwith myself, so Im always looking for ways to improve things.
My biggest problem is I always seem too darn concerned about other people.
Ive got a friend who passed away new years day, who taught us all a lessona bout life being too short.
Her significant other in Illinois having a hard time dealing with her passing, and his own agrophobia, and its a lot of energy trying to convince him he needs to get away and have a holiday away from normal life to get better, of course my alterior motive is for him to come spend some time with us and hang out, but I think it would be therapy for us both.
Ive got 2 friends getting married this year, one I havent seen in almost 6 years, and whose wedding I cant attend, and one whom ive been friends with for 6 or 7 years now, and im trying to juggle things arounda nd im hoping I can attend, but its currently looking very doubtfull.
*off topic thought...OMG why do these people keep bringing thier dogs into the office? its not a fuckin zoo*
I have some new friends I would like to get to know better, but of course theres that fear of letting them closer and the paranoia that they dont look at friendship the same way I do....and that they end up doing something stupid that makes me feel hurt, or offended or whatever, or vice versa and I do that to them....
..then there are the thoughts in my head about "long lost friends" does time really heal anything?
Particularly when you feel the situation was blown out of proportion in the first place?
What do you do when you still see them living thier life, and sometimes wish you were part of it?
Also... what do you do if you think that theres more going on than you can actually see, if you think you know this person so well, and know that theres something there, something that needs help, but you know that you cant say so?
Life is weird, I get reflective at times too....
who knows what the future holds.