Twice I've had to sit through the soul-destroying/stomach churning/brain cell reducing trailer for the Bratz movie. It's almost worth it just to read the reviews of the poor bastards who had to sit through the entire thing.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Review quotes compiled from Rotten Tomatoes, where the film currently ranks at 5 percent:
"This is why the terrorists hate us." - Nathan Rabin, Onion AV Club.
"Bratz is like being raped by MySpace." - Joshua Tyler, Cinema Blend.
"The filmmakers have gone below the lowest common demoninator, aiming a story at 8-year-old girls. It's clunky, condescending and insulting." - Rich Cline, Shadows On The Wall.
"The girls in the live-action Bratz movie look less - what's the right word? - whorish than the dolls, but the lifestyle their movie is selling is no less disturbing." - Josh Larsen, Sun Publications, Chicago.
"Dumb, garish and formulaic As plastic as the dolls its based on." - Frank Sweitek, One Man's Opinion.com.
"Wow, this movie is mind-numbingly vapid and shrill." - Christy Lemire, Associated Press.
"In the end, the most offensive part of Bratz isn't its sterotypes or brand expansion; it's the sorry state of Jon Voight's career." - Jessica Grose, Village Voice.
"Voight's shameless participation in this project could be a whole topic unto itself: the bottoming out of Oscar winners." - Marjorie Baumgarten, Austin Chronicle.
"For all its blather about 'letting your spirit soar' it's really about furthering an MTV-defined version of cool, which means too many clothes, too little education and too much money." - John Anderson, Variety.
"You go girlz. Mom and Dad will wait in the car." - Sherri Linden, Hollywood Reporter.
"There isn't a moment of truth or perception in its miserable 98 minutes; this film's view of high school is co skewed from reality and so insulting in its contempt that it's almost scary to think preteen girls would fall for it." - Dustin Putman, The Movie Boy.com.
"Our heroines set out to prove to the school that it's just as important to pick your BBF's on the basis of shared shopping practices. Calling that a positive spin takes some serious ballz - as does trapping Jon Voight in his most embarrasing role" - Steve Schneider, Orlando Weekly.
I've been pissing myself laughing since I opened the email. Thank you Mr. Ryan for one of the most funny things I've seen for week. (considerably funnier than Shelly the Republican which is saying a lot). Particularly like the first two reviews.
