It's time for a venting blog. I aplologize to all who might stumble over this blog and read it. The disclaimer ends here.
So, Mitch went to Calgary for a staff Christmas party. We weren't really getting a long before he left, but he also wasn't communicating with me or really talking to me period. We'd slept together again, and somehow after the sex, he was distant again. Very disconnected. (Which sort of made the sex suck, because what makes our sex GREAT is our connection.) So I forgot about it, and went on with my life, but whether either of us admits it or not, the sex keeps us drawn together. It makes us want each other more. Or at least, it does for me.
So I was feeling sort of... lonely I guess. I was missing the one person I trusted, relied on, believed in and loved more than anyone else on this planet. We agreed to spend Christmas together, but he didn't really seem that thrilled, especially when the girls at work decided to surprise me with a blind date. And by surprise, I mean SURPRISE as in the guy shows up to my work when I'm off and takes me out. Kind of hard to say "no" when the person is already there. So when you don't acknowledge something like that it festers until it turns into something nasty and explodes.
So he got shit-faced at his Xmas party and wakes me up at 2:30 am to tell me:
"What are you up to?"
Me: Sleeping?
"Oh, I thought you'd be like.. out on another date or something."
(WHAT? The best part of this is, he goes on to tell me how I need to get over us. YOU GET OVER IT.)
"I need to get it through my thick skull, we're not together anymore."
(Fair enough, but with your crazy mixed signals, example: inviting me for Christmas, buying concert tickets with me, sending me texts saying you miss me, ect. how am I supposed to do that?)
"We've been broken up for months, so why don't I get over it?"
(Perhaps because you keep doing the above?)
"He's not being 'mean' he's just telling the truth, and he owes me nothing."
(Yes, cause waking me up at 3 am to tell me how awful I was to you, how I treated you poorly, is definitely not being mean. And the fact that I bent over backwards and STILL do for you, means you definitely owe me NOTHING.)
Then he proceeds to ask me if I'm still coming for Christmas, and how he knows I'm going to send him some LAME 3 page text tomorrow talking about "how I feel." FUCK YOU.
The worst part is, I love him very much.
But I think that all feelings I had regarding us actually being something ever again, died when he said those things to me. How can someone who "loves" you, talk to you that way? How is that even possible? I know that saying, "you always hurt the one you love the most" WELL FUCK THAT. I'm so tired of being told how shitty I am, when clearly he's the one being shitty. Yes I've been holding onto something that's sinking slowly on the horizon, but I realize it, and I'm trying to let go.
He's been consistently worse and worse to the point where I don't even want to be his friend anymore. How could I have someone like that in my life?
So now I'm going there for Christmas. (Because his sister begged me to still come.) I have all these cool gifts for his family and HIM. And I'm like... anxious. Nervous. Uncomfortable. How else can I define it? I feel like the one person I thought I would always have has disappeared on me completely. I don't even know who this person is anymore. He's definitely NOT my Mitch.
How can it be that his is the same person who told me if my test results came back as 'terminal' that we'd be married asap and exploring the world together living our dreams? How can you go from making that kind of promise to FREAKING out within 2 weeks? I honestly don't know how I can function with him. I feel like he's gone bi-polar.
I know I can be a brat sometimes, and I never claimed to be a perfect person or someone who is easy to be around 100% of the time... but I don't deserve that kind of treatement.
That's why it's ending today. As of now, I no longer feel the same way I did about Mitch. I used to envision him as part of my dreams... and now I see him as someone who will fade into my past. Just like all the other guys I dated that didn't realize how amazing I am.
I just needed to vent.
Where's my dream biker boy when I need him?
Come take me away...
-Chevvy
So, Mitch went to Calgary for a staff Christmas party. We weren't really getting a long before he left, but he also wasn't communicating with me or really talking to me period. We'd slept together again, and somehow after the sex, he was distant again. Very disconnected. (Which sort of made the sex suck, because what makes our sex GREAT is our connection.) So I forgot about it, and went on with my life, but whether either of us admits it or not, the sex keeps us drawn together. It makes us want each other more. Or at least, it does for me.
So I was feeling sort of... lonely I guess. I was missing the one person I trusted, relied on, believed in and loved more than anyone else on this planet. We agreed to spend Christmas together, but he didn't really seem that thrilled, especially when the girls at work decided to surprise me with a blind date. And by surprise, I mean SURPRISE as in the guy shows up to my work when I'm off and takes me out. Kind of hard to say "no" when the person is already there. So when you don't acknowledge something like that it festers until it turns into something nasty and explodes.
So he got shit-faced at his Xmas party and wakes me up at 2:30 am to tell me:
"What are you up to?"
Me: Sleeping?
"Oh, I thought you'd be like.. out on another date or something."
(WHAT? The best part of this is, he goes on to tell me how I need to get over us. YOU GET OVER IT.)
"I need to get it through my thick skull, we're not together anymore."
(Fair enough, but with your crazy mixed signals, example: inviting me for Christmas, buying concert tickets with me, sending me texts saying you miss me, ect. how am I supposed to do that?)
"We've been broken up for months, so why don't I get over it?"
(Perhaps because you keep doing the above?)
"He's not being 'mean' he's just telling the truth, and he owes me nothing."
(Yes, cause waking me up at 3 am to tell me how awful I was to you, how I treated you poorly, is definitely not being mean. And the fact that I bent over backwards and STILL do for you, means you definitely owe me NOTHING.)
Then he proceeds to ask me if I'm still coming for Christmas, and how he knows I'm going to send him some LAME 3 page text tomorrow talking about "how I feel." FUCK YOU.
The worst part is, I love him very much.
But I think that all feelings I had regarding us actually being something ever again, died when he said those things to me. How can someone who "loves" you, talk to you that way? How is that even possible? I know that saying, "you always hurt the one you love the most" WELL FUCK THAT. I'm so tired of being told how shitty I am, when clearly he's the one being shitty. Yes I've been holding onto something that's sinking slowly on the horizon, but I realize it, and I'm trying to let go.
He's been consistently worse and worse to the point where I don't even want to be his friend anymore. How could I have someone like that in my life?
So now I'm going there for Christmas. (Because his sister begged me to still come.) I have all these cool gifts for his family and HIM. And I'm like... anxious. Nervous. Uncomfortable. How else can I define it? I feel like the one person I thought I would always have has disappeared on me completely. I don't even know who this person is anymore. He's definitely NOT my Mitch.
How can it be that his is the same person who told me if my test results came back as 'terminal' that we'd be married asap and exploring the world together living our dreams? How can you go from making that kind of promise to FREAKING out within 2 weeks? I honestly don't know how I can function with him. I feel like he's gone bi-polar.
I know I can be a brat sometimes, and I never claimed to be a perfect person or someone who is easy to be around 100% of the time... but I don't deserve that kind of treatement.
That's why it's ending today. As of now, I no longer feel the same way I did about Mitch. I used to envision him as part of my dreams... and now I see him as someone who will fade into my past. Just like all the other guys I dated that didn't realize how amazing I am.
I just needed to vent.
Where's my dream biker boy when I need him?
Come take me away...
-Chevvy
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
After stepping back far enough I started to realize how much it wasn't meant to be. He's still a really awesome person and one of the nicest guys EVER, but now even our friendship is falling apart.
I hope Christmas wasn't so bad for you in the end and that you're feeling a little better now!
Btw, I think I saw you when I was in lulu a few days ago but you looked really busy so I didn't say hi.
You can do so much better, you seem really nice, and you are super pretty. You will have another man in no time.