chesca

Needing another cathartic moment / rant.

Keep thinking I'm making progress on the being independent and strong and then I let the simple fact that someone I don't expect to really keep in touch upset me because they haven't got in touch. It's like one half of my brain can get my head round the whys and wherefores and is behaving logically and the rest of still behaves like the girl I used to be, the one whose emotions totally ruled her.

Damned annoying.

I keep trying to get past doing that because I'm still not in a place when I'm happy with my circumstances. I've learnt to deal with some interim stuff but I still need to sort out my job/career and a place to live. It seems to have been a never-ending combined thing that I never quite deal with to a satisfactory extent to allow myself to progress any further. Or a convenient excuse to not risk anyone worthwhile getting to get to close to me. Its disappointing. I used to be an annoyingly passionate but still slightly insecure individual and i fear that inside Im becoming more frosty and argumentative with little reason to be anything other because of the people I meet. Yes I would love to be swept off my feet by a funny, considerate guy... but not if theyre god damn married (but thats a separate point).

Im kinda forgetting what my point was now...

On a side note Dirty Dancing + red wine + chocolate = good way to make a shitty 4-day week seem a little better. Heres to the weekend!