chesca

Blimey, I am rubbish at blogging. I'm pretty rubbish at coming on here full stop but I'm not too good at making the time to build any sort of dialogue with people on here. Blogging too much encourages me to be introspective and trying to keep that in check. I'm developing a fine balance between anti-social/hermit like me-time and actually getting out there, doing stuff, talking to people and trying not to be too critical of myself. But do you know what, I'm content to have a diminishing virtual existence.

Yes I keep doing dumb shit (last month seemed to be a rollercoaster) that has kept me up some nights with incessant worrying. I'm in a better place but I know I've still got some stuff to address. I was reflecting, as I was catching a train out of London to visit my parents, on the fact that I haven't been hating myself recently and (shock horror) actually been enjoying myself quite a lot and feeling comfortable in my own skin then I get back home and I'm the old me. Angry, upset, not in control and I was so disappointed. Years of burying this stuff was never going to have a quick fix though. It was a reminder though that it would be better to think about some of this stuff when I'm in a relatively good state of mind than when I'm falling to pieces.

Blimey, where was I?! I'm happy...??

Always room for improvement I guess but who knows, at this rate I may even manage to not freak out when a (single) guy likes me!

And 10 years on, I'm going back to Barcelona next week - yay!!

Can't remember when my membership runs out but in the likely chance that i won't blog for ages again it may well lapse by the time I consider doing so again. Not entirely sure who I'm informing or why I'm blogging but now and then I still find it cathartic.