I've realised I've been guilty of projecting an idea of myself through my blogs on SG. I thought it was about time I tried to be a bit more honest.
I feel insecure around just about every person I know. There is only one person I truly believe accepts and likes me for who I am rather than some degree of putting up with me. Ironically we actually have very little in common. We like going to the cinema but we have completely different taste in films, same when it comes to music. The time we spend together is generally spent doing either of these activities or down the pub. He lets me get away with being bossy and making the decisions and would let me drag him along to do places he has no interest in whatsoever. This is beneficial to me because I don't know anyone else would accompany full-stop, so I have to accept that he's never going to get as over-excited as me.
I quite often feel that people placate me, that they don't feel that they can be honest with me about stupid things. Be it men or mates I getting annoyed by not knowing where I stand with people. I haven't the patience for games and would rather people were upfront about feelings/thoughts/etc. This may seem straight forward enough but I think I can be overbearing with obsession for honesty. In fact I think I'm guilty of being overbearing in many respects.
I am hopeless when it comes to dealing with my feelings. I find numerous ways to mask them. My most recent disguise is as a player. Unfortunately time and money has come between me and picking up guys. In truth, I'm only just freeing myself from all the baggage that I've been trailing round since I split up with my boyfriend nearly a year ago. I'm too scared to get involved with anyone else even though I miss being in love so I pretend all i want is one night stands. I've only just come to recognise this, I couldn't before because I had been so relieved at our split that I didn't think I'd have any problem with moving on. I'm finally able to remember the good times before things got bad. I am still guilty of talking about him too much though, it must seem like I'm still hung up on him. In truth it's just habit, things were so tumultuous between us before we got together I never shut up about him. I was forever relaying the lasted drama to my friends who I'm sure were ready to strangle me!
I am only serious when I really need to be. The rest of the time I'm ditzy, giddy, over-excited and talk far too much. Most people only ever see this side of me and probably think I'm a bit of an idiot. I'm often referred to as being fun though. However, I think this has a lot to do with providing numerous laugh-at, rather than with, moments. Being thought of as fun actually bothers me a bit. I'm often concerned that's the only way people see me. I too often bothered by what people think of me, not that I would intentionally change myself for anyone (unless it turns out I'm doing something that hurts them of course). It's a vicious circle, I feel awkward and insecure around people so I do tend to play the fool but then when people say I'm fun it makes me feel insecure. Saying that there are of course plenty of times when I mess around and don't feel insecure!
Anyway I think that's enough sharing for one day.
I'm off in 16 days My participation on the site has been somewhat lacking so you probably won't be able to tell the difference!
I feel insecure around just about every person I know. There is only one person I truly believe accepts and likes me for who I am rather than some degree of putting up with me. Ironically we actually have very little in common. We like going to the cinema but we have completely different taste in films, same when it comes to music. The time we spend together is generally spent doing either of these activities or down the pub. He lets me get away with being bossy and making the decisions and would let me drag him along to do places he has no interest in whatsoever. This is beneficial to me because I don't know anyone else would accompany full-stop, so I have to accept that he's never going to get as over-excited as me.
I quite often feel that people placate me, that they don't feel that they can be honest with me about stupid things. Be it men or mates I getting annoyed by not knowing where I stand with people. I haven't the patience for games and would rather people were upfront about feelings/thoughts/etc. This may seem straight forward enough but I think I can be overbearing with obsession for honesty. In fact I think I'm guilty of being overbearing in many respects.
I am hopeless when it comes to dealing with my feelings. I find numerous ways to mask them. My most recent disguise is as a player. Unfortunately time and money has come between me and picking up guys. In truth, I'm only just freeing myself from all the baggage that I've been trailing round since I split up with my boyfriend nearly a year ago. I'm too scared to get involved with anyone else even though I miss being in love so I pretend all i want is one night stands. I've only just come to recognise this, I couldn't before because I had been so relieved at our split that I didn't think I'd have any problem with moving on. I'm finally able to remember the good times before things got bad. I am still guilty of talking about him too much though, it must seem like I'm still hung up on him. In truth it's just habit, things were so tumultuous between us before we got together I never shut up about him. I was forever relaying the lasted drama to my friends who I'm sure were ready to strangle me!
I am only serious when I really need to be. The rest of the time I'm ditzy, giddy, over-excited and talk far too much. Most people only ever see this side of me and probably think I'm a bit of an idiot. I'm often referred to as being fun though. However, I think this has a lot to do with providing numerous laugh-at, rather than with, moments. Being thought of as fun actually bothers me a bit. I'm often concerned that's the only way people see me. I too often bothered by what people think of me, not that I would intentionally change myself for anyone (unless it turns out I'm doing something that hurts them of course). It's a vicious circle, I feel awkward and insecure around people so I do tend to play the fool but then when people say I'm fun it makes me feel insecure. Saying that there are of course plenty of times when I mess around and don't feel insecure!
Anyway I think that's enough sharing for one day.
I'm off in 16 days My participation on the site has been somewhat lacking so you probably won't be able to tell the difference!
stenno:
You're one of the coolest people on here sweety and I'm really going to miss you while you're away 
But you'll have the best time ever 
Just remember to take lots of pics and don't forget us 
You're one of the coolest people on here sweety and I'm really going to miss you while you're away But you'll have the best time ever Just remember to take lots of pics and don't forget us