cherrylenses

Christmas night I got into a small car addicent. Aaron and I had gotten Chinese food and we were on our way home when I took a turn and slammed into another car. There wasn't much damage to either car, but I can't drive mine. I cracked the radiator. Merry Christma to me! Aaron said I was the calmest he's ever seen me. He hit his head on a metal part of the sun visor and was freaking out and there I was, sitting there in the drivers' seat, completely calm.

In the instant where I slammed on the brakes and prayed we wouldn't hit and when I knew we were going to, I accepted my fate. I knew I was going to hit him. There was no way to stop it and I knew it wouldn't be that bad. That's why I was so calm. It's a weird way to explain it, but it works for me.

This week has been filled with nothing but smoking, smoking, smoking. And I don't mean cigarettes. Last night I was stoned as fuck when Nate dropped me off. I stayed up long enough to watch the ball drop on tv and then went to bed. I woke up at four in the morning, still stoned as fuck and confused as all hell. The last thing I remembered was being with Nate and he wasn't there. After a few minutes, I realised he was at his house.

Have you ever realised how strange that sounds? "Watch the ball drop"? It's like you're watching some little dude's balls drop when he finally reaches puberty. Sorry, that popped into my head and I had to share it.

Today, it's icy outside and I doubt I'm going to be hanging out with Nate or anyone else for that matter. I don't even think he's awake yet.

I don't have any cigarettes ... but I have money and an ID. That gets me no where if I can't get to a store. Damnit.

Anyway, I'm watching American History X and hoping Nate will get back to me.