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cherrycyanide

Minneapolis

Member Since 2003

Followers 26 Following 34

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Thursday Mar 03, 2005

Mar 2, 2005
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See this is what fucking happens.

She gets this bug up her ass where she thinks that stupid kenyan bastard is going to do her right and they make all these plans. Plans that don't easily involve herh aving two adult children. Then she decides she doesn't need me around for emotional support anymore because she's got the darling wonderful hubbie. Vomit.

And then he fucks up hurts her feelings and makes me want to rip his throat out. And what does she do? She crys and whines and gets all depressed because not only is her husband a fucker but she's already pushed me out of the house and she realizes I'm not there anymore for whenever support.

Sure she can find me fairly easily and sure she can always wait till I come home. But she used to be able to bitch and whine and complain and cry ANY time of the day because I was at home fairly often. Well fuck that and fuck her.

I don't need someone who is going to use me emotionally like that. I don't need her to want me around only because her husband is being the worlds hugest asshole. I don't need to be around just because her goddamn feelings keep getting hurt by an inconsiderate jack ass who probibly does really love her but is just too stupid to understand he needs to keep it in his pants.

I feel mighty ungreatful today. I'm in this depressed mood that feels like this heavy weight sitting on top of me. It wont let me up and it wont let me breath at all. Ican feel it squeezing the air out of my lungs. I want to cry most of the day and it's been like this for about three days in a row. I don't know what to do about it except start taking my pills or something. I obviously need to do something to help this bullshit get out of my head. Because EVERY THING IN MY LIFE IS GOING AT LEAST SOMEWHAT THE WAY I WANT IT....so why do I still feel like shit? Why do I still feel like it's all falling in on me? Why do I feel like running away from everything and hiding off alone in the dark? WHy do I hate almost everyone? Why do I want to cry? I mean fucking really. THeres no reason at all. Stupid emotional girly bullshit.

I hate this shit.

fuck I'm done writing for now maybe I'll rant later when I know I'm not being skipped in the pot rotation that EVERYONE conveniantly didn't tell me about. Fuck fake friends.
devil_bitch:
I know exactly what you mean baby girl. I am having a time of it as well. My journal will give you a better explanation but there is always more. I too feel the weight crushing my chest... The tears in my eyes...At least I am not to the point where I want to cut. I don't do that often and when I do I know that it's really bad. It's like my rock bottom moment.

I hate getting skipped in the pot rotation. Those fuckers see you sitting there.

Sorry about your mom. My mom always blamed me for whatever fucked up shit happened with her husband. Now he's really gone and she has realized that she hurt me. Things are going better. We have a weird relationship. It's good but it's weird.

Mar 3, 2005
devil_bitch:
Thank you for being one of the sweetest people that I have met online. You rock!!

Mar 3, 2005

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