cherrycyanide

I'm over emotional. Yes yes I am. I found out about some shit that went on while I was dating someone about a year ago. Well okay it wasn' that long ago but still I was pretty over the whole thing. And would have been quite content to be left to my little illusions even if they weren't true. But I found out I was played on a major scale. Dude had a "catalog" of girls on his computer, names addresses phone numbers online conversations e-mailes and pictures of at least fifteen girls (just while I was with him mind you. theres more now.) and I been stressing about it since I found out. I couldn' get off yesterday cause my thoughts kept straying to when I went to see him. And I wanted to cry. I tried to sleep, I couldn't because I thought about every time i went to sleep after talking to him, feeling so fucking special. And I have been stressin it all day today whenever I'm idle and shit. it makes me sick to my stomach and I dont know how to make it feel better. Everytime someone calls me "Baby" or refers to me in any other child like pet name it gets worse. I waisted so much time caring and worring about him he bitched an complained about my not trusting him and in the end I was an illogical choice for him because IM BLACK and his dad is fucking racist. isn't that nice? I was plannin on moving out there and playing tripple the college tuition that I am now so I could be near him. I wanted him to come visit me and would have pulled it so he could stay at my place and shit but could he do that ? No, insted he went to see this other girl the same month of my birthday. I hope his cock rots off the filthy bastard. I'm extremely glad I didn't let him fuck me. -.- SO if anyone has any type of way for me to try to get this shit out of my head I could use the help seriously.