I have so much to say and yet when I'm sitting down to get it out of my poor clogged up head I can't get it out. Only the random rush of shit that cloggs my poor brain so often will come out. Not the important things that would make me sound like hte smart depthful person I am insted f the brainless wonder I make myself out to be most of the time.
I'm really not as stupid as I seem. I'm not shallow. I'm not this boring. I don't know what's wrong with me lately but Ic an't express anything in a creative manor. I don't even know if I can write becauseI haven't tried in months. Even though at one point I was intent on getting something I wrote published somewhere or another. I can't write though the last tim eI tried I got half way through a story and could write no more. I have so many ideas and sceans built up but they won't come out. It's too much. Too fast.
Maybe I need a shrink because these don't sound like normal issues at all!
I want to paint, but I have no insperation to do so.
I want to draw, but agian with the insperation, and on top of that I suck at it.
I want to write but there are so many ideas fighting for the for front of my mind that they won't come out. Maybe now that I've moved and I have my computer in my living space I will be able to get them out more often. Hopefully returning to roleplay will help aswell.
The plus side however is I am starting to be okay with me. My physical apperance has changed so much in the last year and I'm starting to become proud of myself I just need to motivate myself into working out. It'd be easier if my friends weren't all fat cows or lazy video game freaks. Hanging out with Rob would probibly do me good. But personality wise I still have some kinks to work out. Theres plenty of things wrong inside my head. But... basically... I like myself. When I'm not being moody or snapping for no reason. I swear I'm really terribly bipolar... I tend to think lately I may be a little bit borderline aswell. Which would make sence because it's kind of ass-backwardsly an attachment disorder. And I have attachment issues, and issues with my attachment to my family and such. Maybe I need to just make a list of things in my head to talk about and just start writing. It's an idea.
Anywho... generally I think I'm a beautiful person that everyone would benifit from knowing. But then I get pangs of guilt attached to past transgressions from when I wasn't a good person. And I start to hatemyself all over again. STop me please.
I'm really not as stupid as I seem. I'm not shallow. I'm not this boring. I don't know what's wrong with me lately but Ic an't express anything in a creative manor. I don't even know if I can write becauseI haven't tried in months. Even though at one point I was intent on getting something I wrote published somewhere or another. I can't write though the last tim eI tried I got half way through a story and could write no more. I have so many ideas and sceans built up but they won't come out. It's too much. Too fast.
Maybe I need a shrink because these don't sound like normal issues at all!
I want to paint, but I have no insperation to do so.
I want to draw, but agian with the insperation, and on top of that I suck at it.
I want to write but there are so many ideas fighting for the for front of my mind that they won't come out. Maybe now that I've moved and I have my computer in my living space I will be able to get them out more often. Hopefully returning to roleplay will help aswell.
The plus side however is I am starting to be okay with me. My physical apperance has changed so much in the last year and I'm starting to become proud of myself I just need to motivate myself into working out. It'd be easier if my friends weren't all fat cows or lazy video game freaks. Hanging out with Rob would probibly do me good. But personality wise I still have some kinks to work out. Theres plenty of things wrong inside my head. But... basically... I like myself. When I'm not being moody or snapping for no reason. I swear I'm really terribly bipolar... I tend to think lately I may be a little bit borderline aswell. Which would make sence because it's kind of ass-backwardsly an attachment disorder. And I have attachment issues, and issues with my attachment to my family and such. Maybe I need to just make a list of things in my head to talk about and just start writing. It's an idea.
Anywho... generally I think I'm a beautiful person that everyone would benifit from knowing. But then I get pangs of guilt attached to past transgressions from when I wasn't a good person. And I start to hatemyself all over again. STop me please.