I don't know...
Everything is so constantly confused.
Most of the time I have myself happily trained to believe I hate Amber and she's this crazy horrible beast of a person.
And then I think about it and the only reason I think that way is... I miss her. I really do. I loved Amber... and yeah she does some crazy ass shit and she's a mega bitch sometimes but... So can I and I hurt her, a lot. A lot a lot. And.... That's why it's so hard for me to not be friends with her.
If anyone who knows her ever reads this it will of course be used to further hurt my feelings and I don't want that anymore... I am tired of hurting I'm trying so fucking hard to pull my shit up togather and get it in order. I am trying to better myself.
She may not be one of the best people, she may be crazy as fuck, psychotic even, however... She fit well with me. I felt a different sort of connection with her and I never have felt that before or since. Ever. I doubt I'll ever be close to another female friend like I was with her and that makes me ache because I need someone other then sprout...
Because... what if he leaves me? what if one day he gets up and decides he doesn't want me anymore?
What the hell am I tihnking? It's not like I couldn't get anyone else. I'm not ugly anymore, I'm not fat, and I never was a bad person. I am sure I could find someone else to dote on me or love me. HOWEVER I don't want to. I need sprout.. I love him more then I love myself. Almost anyways. I think that changed recently. I donno exactly when... but I do love myself now more then anyone else...Thank god.
Yay for being hot.
Everything is so constantly confused.
Most of the time I have myself happily trained to believe I hate Amber and she's this crazy horrible beast of a person.
And then I think about it and the only reason I think that way is... I miss her. I really do. I loved Amber... and yeah she does some crazy ass shit and she's a mega bitch sometimes but... So can I and I hurt her, a lot. A lot a lot. And.... That's why it's so hard for me to not be friends with her.
If anyone who knows her ever reads this it will of course be used to further hurt my feelings and I don't want that anymore... I am tired of hurting I'm trying so fucking hard to pull my shit up togather and get it in order. I am trying to better myself.
She may not be one of the best people, she may be crazy as fuck, psychotic even, however... She fit well with me. I felt a different sort of connection with her and I never have felt that before or since. Ever. I doubt I'll ever be close to another female friend like I was with her and that makes me ache because I need someone other then sprout...
Because... what if he leaves me? what if one day he gets up and decides he doesn't want me anymore?
What the hell am I tihnking? It's not like I couldn't get anyone else. I'm not ugly anymore, I'm not fat, and I never was a bad person. I am sure I could find someone else to dote on me or love me. HOWEVER I don't want to. I need sprout.. I love him more then I love myself. Almost anyways. I think that changed recently. I donno exactly when... but I do love myself now more then anyone else...Thank god.
Yay for being hot.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
If you want to make things work with Amber just talk to her about it. I think it would be weird though. And difficult on your relationship with Sprout. When you fuck up all you can do is say "I'm sorry" and try not to hurt them ever again. If it doesn't work out at least you know you did your best.
You were always hot mamma but I understand. If I dropped 70 lbs I would probably be on a poles somewhere.