cherrybomb00

So I'm out here in the country with my family still dealing. Night 5 / Day4. 3 days till potential help......a doctor's appointment.
5 days till sunday when I return.
I haven't watched t.v. at all, and not listened to any music except the partial songs I might hear in a store when we leave this home. A Heart song (can't remember which one right now) and "So happy together" I heard yesterday. No tunes today. We try to keep things quiet here, so unless there is yelling or fretting, its just clocks ticking. I'm a loud girl who likes loud music, so I sing to myself outside (where I go for many cigarettes) and try to not let that get to me. I'm keeping sane and still have my sense of humor that sees me through all hard times.
I saw a bumper sticker out on the country road that made me laugh.
GUN CONTROL IS HITTING YOUR TARGET.
I don't want to be here, yet I want to be here to help my family. My mom told me I must work with a lot of difficult people because I am so patient. She says I wasn't patient in high school. I blew up yesterday and yelled, but checked myself, and now I'm back to calm, nurturing, patience.
I was reading Maxim, and my Dad scoffed when I told him it is a men's magazine. He has a hard time understanding me, my "lifestyle" (gay), but he loves me. He doesn't like my red hair. He's afraid I'm going to become the tattooed lady if I get another tattoo. He's afraid I will get diseases because I get tattoos and because I'm gay. I had to explain that lesbians are in the lowest risk bracket for STDs, less so than my straight girl friends. I didn't tell him I got my nipple pierced recently, I don't think he could handle that. But my mom saw it when I was cleaning it. Her response, "I wish you liked yourself more".
I am definately thought of as the odd one of the family. But my parents know me which is cool. I love horror movies and monsters. For Easter my Mom mailed me a see-through rubber frog so you can squeeze it and see its guts. I like that sort of thing much more than a fuzzy easter bunny.
My buddy at work is covering for me this week. We are still waiting to hear about the South Africa job, but I think I won't be going now. Still waiting to find out if they even want me to go, and whether or not it will work out. Not that big of a deal.
I had a dream last night my tongue was pierced recently. 2 identical blond twins had their tongues pierced and pulled out their barbels to show me how big of a gauge they were. I pulled mine out, and then I couldn't get it back in. The hole had already closed. I was pushing and pushing it and forcing it which was hurting me and it wouldn't go in. I thought if I pushed hard enough,and fuck the pain, the barbel would go back in my tongue. I had to give up, it wouldn't. So I got it re-pierced except it was pierced too far back. I wanted to get it re-pierced closer to the front of my mouth. End of dream.
I've always wanted to get my tongue pierced, except my oral surgeon, (who put my face back together after a broken jaw and tons of reconstructive surgery) told me not to. He sees too many people who have cracked their teeth and demanded after all my oral reconstructive jaw bone and teeth surgery that I never do that, and I agreed not to pierce my tongue.
But the dream reflects what we are going through here. Pushing and pain. Giving up and starting over. I love dreams. How the mind works while we sleep.
Ride on.