cherry

I often sit and think, dream, wonder; almost like I'm floating in space.

A space full of everything and nothing at the same time. A space, so dense you feel like you're pushing through a confused and winding undergrowth of pain and misery. But, at the same time, there are clearings of such blinding clarity that it makes you shade yourself from a truth that is bound to hit you from an unexpected angle. That truth might be something you want to find or something you are trying to hide from. You're back in the undergrowth longing for the clearing and the sun and the deafening brilliance of silence. It's a game of back and forth, of hide and seek.

It is a journey, like any others. It has it's good moments, it has it's bad; it has it's in betweens and it's complete lack of sense, but most of all it is a necessary journey - a time of self discovery so completely innate that without it I would run into a brick wall and keep running into it; like a wind up toy with no sense of direction, time, dimension, or a giant to pick it up and turn it around.

This is me. The real me, the one that lives inside of me and is constantly battling to be the one on the surface: serenity, intelligence, beauty and an awareness so deep that it makes me deaf and blind. But with flaws and caves and tangles and scars and a history that makes me both ashamed and proud of who I am. I'm imperfect, but I'm me, and that I am learning to like and one day maybe even Love like I Love so many things and beings and particles in this deep space already.

This is me, inside my own personal space, floating, discovering, fighting, and clambering to be among the stars. I am in charge of this space, and it is mine, but it is unconquerable...

...at least for now. This won't stop me trying. Just wait and see, time tells us so many things...



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I'm not going to pester you with "help me get these sets to the front page" posts. But, I thought you might be interested to see my sets as they go into member review, so I am simply going to list them here, in spoilers. I am getting more and more in there I have shot on film, and I know some of you are keen on those.

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Thank you for all the concern for my infection. It wasn't due to my cheek piercings, and some of you noticed I removed them. I actually removed them two days before my infection for completely unrelated reasons, yes, I was incredibly sad to see them go. My infection was due to a dental infection.

I am doing much better, am still sick and exhausted, but I'm on the mend. The kindness shown in my journal always overwhelms me.