My boyfriend and I broke up last tuesday. I know it has only been 6 days and i need to be patient, but i cant stand this anymore. I wish i could go to a hypnotist and have them remove or repress my memories so it does not hurt so much. I dont want to think about it, I dont want to feel it. Hell, I'd rather not feel at all, but that is not an option.
It seems to get harder and harder each day. As if i am getting closer to the incident and not moving away from it. I wish there were a time machine, because i would sell my soul to travel back in time. I would go back to when i was 18 and do what i said i was going to do, move to NY. If i had done that, I would be in a completely different situation right now. I would have developed stronger and would not be as soft as i have become. This type of thing did not bother me when i was a teenager, but now it feels like rusty nails running down your bare back.
How can something hurt so bad? All i hear from everyone is that i will get over it in time, but i dont want to wait. I want to be over it now, as he is. I want to go back to my normal life, like he has. I want to forget the last 3yrs ever happened, as he has. I am tired. I dont want to hurt anymore. I want to hate him so bad. Why cant i do this? Why cant i toss him to the side as he did me? I know i am the shit, but it is so hard when someone you love rejects you. It is like a knife twisting in your knee cap. I am tired of crying. I want this to be easy.
He emailed me yesterday and made it sound like he still loved me and did not know what he wanted. all he really wanted was some space and time to himself, he could have had that without breaking up. but he is a dumb boy, throw big rocks. he said he learned his lesson last time, breaking up with me like a dummy when he knows i am the shit. I got a new tattoo! and i am getting my tongue pierced tomorrow. yay!! I am distracting myself with physical pain, to kinda ignore the inner pain. ya know. body mosd are great. i want more!
It seems to get harder and harder each day. As if i am getting closer to the incident and not moving away from it. I wish there were a time machine, because i would sell my soul to travel back in time. I would go back to when i was 18 and do what i said i was going to do, move to NY. If i had done that, I would be in a completely different situation right now. I would have developed stronger and would not be as soft as i have become. This type of thing did not bother me when i was a teenager, but now it feels like rusty nails running down your bare back.
How can something hurt so bad? All i hear from everyone is that i will get over it in time, but i dont want to wait. I want to be over it now, as he is. I want to go back to my normal life, like he has. I want to forget the last 3yrs ever happened, as he has. I am tired. I dont want to hurt anymore. I want to hate him so bad. Why cant i do this? Why cant i toss him to the side as he did me? I know i am the shit, but it is so hard when someone you love rejects you. It is like a knife twisting in your knee cap. I am tired of crying. I want this to be easy.
He emailed me yesterday and made it sound like he still loved me and did not know what he wanted. all he really wanted was some space and time to himself, he could have had that without breaking up. but he is a dumb boy, throw big rocks. he said he learned his lesson last time, breaking up with me like a dummy when he knows i am the shit. I got a new tattoo! and i am getting my tongue pierced tomorrow. yay!! I am distracting myself with physical pain, to kinda ignore the inner pain. ya know. body mosd are great. i want more!
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The best advice I can offer you is to sever contact. The more you draw it out, the harder it's going to be. Even if you still want to be friends with the guy - stay away from him for a while. PERIOD. phone. email. everything. You'll be thankful later.