So...lately I've been telling myself that I was going to try again with the whole SG thing....but I'm kind of in a pickle.
On one hand....this is something I've wanted to do since I was a freshman in high school, almost 6 years ago, and to this day I still haven't changed my mind. Hell, I've even sent in a shoot already.
On the other hand....my boyfriend, Brian, is a) the jealous type and b) doesn't want me to do it because i) he doesn't understand why I would and ii) thinks it's lowering myself
I think he doesn't like the fact that other guys would be seeing me naked either, which is typical.
One thing that really bothers me is the fact that the only person I trust to take my pictures is someone that he would totally be against doing so, even though I talked to them and said not to cross the boundaries. I know for a fact that he would keep it professional, even though we're friends. I'm serious, I can trust him, and want him to take the photos, but the fact that Brian would want to kill me for it really scares me and makes me not want to do the photoshoot. I don't want to piss him off, but I want to do the photoshoot.
This seriously fucking sucks.
He says that he's not one to tell me what to do, but I know that deep down he doesn't want me to do it. If I did, I'd feel like im disappointing him, but by not doing the photoshoot, I'm letting myself down because that's something I've wanted to do for awhile now, become a SuicideGirl.
Do I disappoint him or myself? Which is the lesser evil?
I'm not downplaying myself, but really, there are SO many girls out there that apply, and what are the chances of mine getting accepted anyway, you know? That way both of us would be happy if I got to do the photoshoot and it gets rejected. He's happy, and I'm happy(that I got to do it, not if it gets rejected, because I'd be let down). I'd hope hope hope it'd get accepted. Anyway....that's me rambling about being torn about the subject. I'll talk to you guys later.
On one hand....this is something I've wanted to do since I was a freshman in high school, almost 6 years ago, and to this day I still haven't changed my mind. Hell, I've even sent in a shoot already.
On the other hand....my boyfriend, Brian, is a) the jealous type and b) doesn't want me to do it because i) he doesn't understand why I would and ii) thinks it's lowering myself
I think he doesn't like the fact that other guys would be seeing me naked either, which is typical.
One thing that really bothers me is the fact that the only person I trust to take my pictures is someone that he would totally be against doing so, even though I talked to them and said not to cross the boundaries. I know for a fact that he would keep it professional, even though we're friends. I'm serious, I can trust him, and want him to take the photos, but the fact that Brian would want to kill me for it really scares me and makes me not want to do the photoshoot. I don't want to piss him off, but I want to do the photoshoot.
This seriously fucking sucks.
He says that he's not one to tell me what to do, but I know that deep down he doesn't want me to do it. If I did, I'd feel like im disappointing him, but by not doing the photoshoot, I'm letting myself down because that's something I've wanted to do for awhile now, become a SuicideGirl.
Do I disappoint him or myself? Which is the lesser evil?
I'm not downplaying myself, but really, there are SO many girls out there that apply, and what are the chances of mine getting accepted anyway, you know? That way both of us would be happy if I got to do the photoshoot and it gets rejected. He's happy, and I'm happy(that I got to do it, not if it gets rejected, because I'd be let down). I'd hope hope hope it'd get accepted. Anyway....that's me rambling about being torn about the subject. I'll talk to you guys later.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
You do what you want. Don't worry what he will think. He is just a boyfriend, if you have always wanted this then you have to do what you have wanted to do. don't let some boy get inbetween what you have wanted. Seriously you aren't married to him, so until that happens the only person you really have to make happy is yourself. Call it selfish but you did this with your last bf, you gave and gave and gave and he took advantage, so do what you really wanted for a long time.
Oh and I miss ya!