cheekywanker

i am home on a saturday night, alone, at ten o'clock and im eating from a cereal bag( yeah the cheep stuff is all i can afford) and watching reruns on tv, again, and i think to myself, ' my life is a complete waste.' its times like these, after a week long bout with depretion, that realy get me thinking about 'a premature means to an end.' its come across my mind a lot since i was fourteen and my friend died but i nefer acted on amy of these thoughts. recently though i have realy found it much more inviteing to fallowthrough with these feelings. im feeling more and more as though im not here to liive out my own life but to bring a little something more to the lives of others, like a piece of scenery to be packed away at the end of the day.
accute manic depretion is a bitch, head in the clowds one moment and rock bottom the next, lately i seem to be in the downs a lot more that the ups. i want to cry all the time but i just cant, i have held it back for so long that i cant let go.........
i need to find some sort of stress relief, im sure the downer moments im having are partly because of that, god i need to get laid, too bad i dont have a social life anymore. time and energy and money are lacking if any.........
i want to sleep but my roomy has a girlfriend over, i wint be in bed by 1 now

sigh, catch you on the flip side

cheers, for you if not me
Ell