Cheech The Nowhere Man's Ten Point Plan for Presidency of the United States and the Greater World Area for 2005:
1. Have Eddie Murphy makes less movies, more pop music.
2. Make it illegal to drive under 55 miles per hour.
3. Replace all burger joints with Broccoli Munchies joints.
4. Design and implement 300,000 sophisticated bulldozers with artificial intelligence capabilities and prone to anti-social behavior and capable of mass destruction across the continental United States. America has heretofore had only one "killdozer" run homicidally rampant in its history, and that was under the Ford administration! We can do better America, and help is on the way!
5. All 7-Eleven stores must have a "mango margarita" option in their Slurpee selection; if not, the terrrrists have won!!
6. Pot. Lots of pot. So much pot that even the Green and Libertarian folks would wince.
7. George W. is sent back to his ranch in TX or his home in Kennebunkport (sp?) Maine... which he would have to share with all 30,000 Enron employees who lost their pensions. The ranch don't seem so roomy no more, eh George? Not much freedom of movement.
John Kerry would be sent to various interesting SG members homes (730A_trixel_fem, Voltaire, WhiskeyFightPit, Lemonkid, etc) until he had fully learned how to not be so fucking goddamned boring all the time.
7a. Replace the entire Social Security system with people going to 7-Eleven and buying Lotto tickets. Yeah, 290 million people would have little to subsist on besides a couple Slim Jims they bought alongside the register...but think how fuckin rich those one or two winners would be!!! I call it the Freedom Patriot Ronald Reagan Maximatize System of Savings System.
8. People have to stop talking about Lindsay Lohan. Please, folks. No more. EVER. STARTING RIGHT NOW. Thanks.
9. Much more porn, and classier, arty porn... everywhere, especially the schools.
10. I would spend my first 100 days establishing fiscal responsibility and fiduciary control with a carefully delineated budgetary alacrity and setting new controls for The Fed over prime interest rates.... uhh... okay, I have no idea what the hell I just said. I would really spend my first 100 days distributing pot, Old Whiskey River, porn and feminist literature in Iraq, then turn over control of the country on day 101 to Noam Chomsky.... nowaitImean Joe Walsh, yeah Joe Walsh.
Vote Cheech for a change - where future shiny brightness is dazzling for a newer tomorrow. (Dude, I just totally wrote that slogan my mothafuckin self.)
Rock over London, rock over Washington. This message was bankrolled by 7-Eleven, Get Cheech the Fuck In Office for America (president - Henry Kissinger), Swiftboat Veterans for The Swifter, and Four Or Five Dudes In Halliburton Who Aren't So Crazy about Dick Cheney.
1. Have Eddie Murphy makes less movies, more pop music.
2. Make it illegal to drive under 55 miles per hour.
3. Replace all burger joints with Broccoli Munchies joints.
4. Design and implement 300,000 sophisticated bulldozers with artificial intelligence capabilities and prone to anti-social behavior and capable of mass destruction across the continental United States. America has heretofore had only one "killdozer" run homicidally rampant in its history, and that was under the Ford administration! We can do better America, and help is on the way!
5. All 7-Eleven stores must have a "mango margarita" option in their Slurpee selection; if not, the terrrrists have won!!
6. Pot. Lots of pot. So much pot that even the Green and Libertarian folks would wince.
7. George W. is sent back to his ranch in TX or his home in Kennebunkport (sp?) Maine... which he would have to share with all 30,000 Enron employees who lost their pensions. The ranch don't seem so roomy no more, eh George? Not much freedom of movement.
John Kerry would be sent to various interesting SG members homes (730A_trixel_fem, Voltaire, WhiskeyFightPit, Lemonkid, etc) until he had fully learned how to not be so fucking goddamned boring all the time.
7a. Replace the entire Social Security system with people going to 7-Eleven and buying Lotto tickets. Yeah, 290 million people would have little to subsist on besides a couple Slim Jims they bought alongside the register...but think how fuckin rich those one or two winners would be!!! I call it the Freedom Patriot Ronald Reagan Maximatize System of Savings System.
8. People have to stop talking about Lindsay Lohan. Please, folks. No more. EVER. STARTING RIGHT NOW. Thanks.
9. Much more porn, and classier, arty porn... everywhere, especially the schools.
10. I would spend my first 100 days establishing fiscal responsibility and fiduciary control with a carefully delineated budgetary alacrity and setting new controls for The Fed over prime interest rates.... uhh... okay, I have no idea what the hell I just said. I would really spend my first 100 days distributing pot, Old Whiskey River, porn and feminist literature in Iraq, then turn over control of the country on day 101 to Noam Chomsky.... nowaitImean Joe Walsh, yeah Joe Walsh.
Vote Cheech for a change - where future shiny brightness is dazzling for a newer tomorrow. (Dude, I just totally wrote that slogan my mothafuckin self.)
Rock over London, rock over Washington. This message was bankrolled by 7-Eleven, Get Cheech the Fuck In Office for America (president - Henry Kissinger), Swiftboat Veterans for The Swifter, and Four Or Five Dudes In Halliburton Who Aren't So Crazy about Dick Cheney.
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
pebbles:
Ok you got my vote! 
joscelyne:
You're totally rockin that slogan, y0.