Thor: The Dark World
The guy with the long blonde hair and his evil brother with the long black hair are back, this time to fight a different kind of evil, which for some reason involves Natalie Portman and Kat Dennings. This movie at the same time both recognizes how awesome it is and recognizes how ridiculous it is, which makes it more awesome. Although Kat Dennings is terrible in that show that involves her and that other girl being waitresses, her nerdy-hot-girl act is working at 110% efficiency here. And, okay, I mean, long blonde hair dude and his evil brother? There's really no getting around it: also totally hot. Oscar-worthy.
10 stars out of 5
Rush
So the long-haired guy from Thor is back, this time as a formula-1 (formula-one? Formula-One? 4-mula-1?) driver who has a rivalry with another driver. Also awesome. Wait, does Air Canada have more than one decent movie to watch on the plane? Holy shit, The Wolf of Wallstreet is on here, too? Damn, how much time is remaining until I land: 2 hours? Ugh, that's not enough time, and I don't want to watch like 2/3rds of it. Is there anything else on here with the guy who plays Thor? Note for later: introspect on desire to see more movies with guy from Thor in them.
100 stars out of 10
Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
New-generation Captain Kirk is some sort of economist-turned-marine after 9/11 happened and the patriotism chip that is inserted into every American's brain was activated. The evil Russians are...wait, Russians? The evil Russians? What year is this? Does Tom Clancy think that the cold war is still going on? Anyway, the evil Russians are planning some sort of terror attack, both with like bombs and stuff, and also with economics. Jack Ryan is the best economics-guy there is, so it's his job to economize the fuck out of those Russians. Manifesting his patriotic destiny, Ryan Jack summons the power of America to drown a guy in a bathtub, "hack" a "computer", and drive a bomb-van into a river while fighting off a Russian sleeper agent. A bald eagle sheds a single tear as the entire nation sings "God Bless America" in unison, every one of them waving an American flag. Russia explodes, and John Ryan Jackson and his girlfriend have ten thousand babies.
0 stars out of a million