I'm sober this month, which has it's up and it's downs. On the upside, I will actually get paychecks this month and put them towards paying off the debt that I have. The down side being that I'm not drinking myself into oblivion right now. Instead, I'm sitting here full of self loathing, since all of my anger at others winds up turning into self-hatred, thinking about crying myself to sleep, or possibly eating a bullet.
I shouldn't really be so negative. My life is not bad. It's lonely. Sometimes it's hard to believe that anyone actually cares. I know far too many people who are perfectly willing to piss down my back and tell me it's rainin'. I feel old. I feel like a failure. I feel like I have no future, nothing at all to look forward to in life. Every year, I become more sure that I will die alone, and probably by my own hand.
I wish I had some milk. I could sure use a cold glass of chocolate milk to take the edge off all this foolish negativity.
I shouldn't really be so negative. My life is not bad. It's lonely. Sometimes it's hard to believe that anyone actually cares. I know far too many people who are perfectly willing to piss down my back and tell me it's rainin'. I feel old. I feel like a failure. I feel like I have no future, nothing at all to look forward to in life. Every year, I become more sure that I will die alone, and probably by my own hand.
I wish I had some milk. I could sure use a cold glass of chocolate milk to take the edge off all this foolish negativity.
maybe it would be a good idea to plan something nice for yourself that's a few months away. a vacation? a nice purchase? i dunno. i always need something to look forward to.
why do i even try to give advice.
[Edited on Mar 13, 2005 10:05PM]
I honestly think I can say that I know how you feel.
There have been big changes.