chbenito

Home from work and tired. I've been thinking about girls, or more precisely, about the lack of girls in my life. I have witty reparte with some of my female friends, but aside from that, I don't really seem to talk to any. That's kind of odd. I've always felt more open with my female friends.

Thinking about it now, I realize that I have become much more open with my male friends over the years as my number of female friends have dwindled, and as more years have passed without any girlfriends. I'm sliding into the lifelong bachelorhood.

I've thought about this before. When I was younger, i couldn't understand how someone lived their life single and 'alone'. Now I understand far too well. I've been single so long that I am not even sure that I know how to be in a relationship. People are so used to seeing me alone, that they don't even realize that I'm interested in having a relationship.

Anyway, all of this seems to be a little self-perpetuating. My preoccupation with understanding my singleness seems to reinforce the belief that I am not even interested...

sigh.

I'm tired. I need to get some sleep that isn't filled with nightmares. I need to get up the nerve to ask a pretty girl out on a date.