It is completely against my nature to be unhappy for long periods of time, but this pain is unbearable. I just can't stand it anymore. I want to cry all the time. Desperately, I need it to go away. 
The surgery I am going to have on Tuesday might make me vomit. I hate vomiting. They are going to blow up my abdomen with gas and go in with a little camara thing through little half inch incisions. Depending on how much they find there could be a few or lots of incisions made. Plus, the pain is abdominal pain, so the chances are good that I will throw up. I am stressing about it. I am so so so nervous.
Not to mention that I only have $300 left in my bank account and have no idea when I will be getting more money. I have all kinds of bills normally, but I have already racked up about $1000 in debt from the first surgery I had. At least I have insurance, but if I don't go back to work by the date they have set than I have to pay them back insurance premiums. At least the pain is keeping me at home; I have a tendency to spend money when I am upset.
During the week I am usually much happier. On the weekends I know my friends are going out and having fun, while I am at home miserable in bed wishing I could get up for longer than a couple minutes at a time.
Okay, wow, enough pitty trips on myself.
I always pretend I am okay when I am not. This experience makes it so much harder to so that! It's good because hiding my feelings actually hinders me. If there is one positive thing I am getting from this, it is that. Also, I am going to be more grateful than ever to be without pain. Seriously. 
The surgery I am going to have on Tuesday might make me vomit.
I hate vomiting. They are going to blow up my abdomen with gas and go in with a little camara thing through little half inch incisions. Depending on how much they find there could be a few or lots of incisions made. Plus, the pain is abdominal pain, so the chances are good that I will throw up. I am stressing about it. I am so so so nervous.
Not to mention that I only have $300 left in my bank account and have no idea when I will be getting more money. I have all kinds of bills normally, but I have already racked up about $1000 in debt from the first surgery I had. At least I have insurance, but if I don't go back to work by the date they have set than I have to pay them back insurance premiums. At least the pain is keeping me at home; I have a tendency to spend money when I am upset.
During the week I am usually much happier. On the weekends I know my friends are going out and having fun, while I am at home miserable in bed wishing I could get up for longer than a couple minutes at a time.
Okay, wow, enough pitty trips on myself.
I always pretend I am okay when I am not. This experience makes it so much harder to so that! It's good because hiding my feelings actually hinders me. If there is one positive thing I am getting from this, it is that. Also, I am going to be more grateful than ever to be without pain. Seriously.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
andromeda:
Don't worry you will get better. I know about getting sick after surgery. I use to all the time, then my dr. started putting a patch behind my ear before surgery and it worked. Ask your dr. about it. I really hope you feel better. It's ok to be sad about not being able to go out, but think of it this way, at least it's winter and not summer. Soon you'll be all better and you will have plenty of time to go out.
lumiere:
Thank you very much dear for commenting my set! if you wanna see some more pics check out my journal...