charlize

So, I am feeling tons better, but none of my problems are solved. I'm not sure why I feel better. I either let go of expectation that things will be good, or I am in denial...

I can't sleep hardly at all. I haven't fallen asleep before daylight since Tuesday, which happens to be the day that guy flipped out at me. It has to be irrational fear, but I don't feel scared. My adreneline must increase when I try to sleep because I will feel so incredibly tired and try to sleep, but my body won't let me. I am hating it. I am sure this will pass.

How is everyone else? Holidays can be so stressful. I wish they could be the joyful time that they are supposed to. Like, it is snowing here and I want more than anything to have a group of friends and drink hot chocolate (some alcohol wouldn't hurt either) and watch movies and then go play outside... maybe just sit around and talk. I desperately want to hang out with some people and to be laughing so hard my stomach hurts. That has not happened in forever. I can't even remember when. Just that pure, no worries kind of joy. It seems so rare these days. It makes me sad. We need some lighthardedness in this world. Don't you think??????