Hey there beautiful people. I've missed you. Allow me to explain the reason for my absence.....
I've been unwell for a while. As I'm getting older my moods are taking a big toll on me. I dipped in a big way a few weeks ago and its taken longer than usual to dig myself out of it this time. When I shut myself in my bedroom, stop talking and cry uncontrollably for no particular reason it's time to take time out from everything and figure out how to fix it. The kids don't understand what's wrong with mummy and I struggle to tell them that even though I have everything that life can offer I still get so sad sometimes that I can't function properly.
From being very young I've had problems with mood. I would have a week or so of high and elated states, then I'd be relatively "normal" for a month or so then I would drop lower than low without warning. I've lost alot of friends over the years over this but I've tried everything and very few things work. I have tablets so strong they hurt my stomach to help take the edge off the depression but within weeks they will only make my manic behaviours even more so.
Anyway, it's taken a bit longer this time but I've pulled myself up now. I'm usually a very good actress and can hide my real feelings from colleagues etc, I've had to learn how to hide it over the years or I never would have got so far in my job/life but thankfully I'm self employed and can choose to work or not - otherwise I think I would have crumbled this time.
I'm back now - I'm here to chat if anyone needs a friendly ear to listen or just talk nonsense to haha.
Love, your charlie <3
