charlatan

This page eludes me. Escapes any semblance of linear thought to try and fill it with words. I look at the old entries. Page after page of them. God, where did all this thought come from? It couldn't possibly be from me. My thoughts, my feelings, diluted...

I feel nothing now. Not happiness, not despair, no loathing, no anger, just an empty void that was my heart. I would weep for it's loss but I have no feeling for it. No more tears will come. I won't let them. Anger just seems childish. Happiness is a word so lost to me it may as well be another dialect.

I've lost ten pounds so far. I want to drop another forty or so. Or at least look like I lost forty pounds. Being thin will make me more interesting, I think.

Lately I feel like I am spinning my wheels in quicksand. I don't know what to do with myself. Moving forward could be any direction, but I know there is only one choice to that end. I just don't know which that is.

I'm sick of working. I'm tired of sitting at home when I'm at home. Tired of being broke. How can I broke?

I miss people. People I don't see when I have the chance. People I wouldn't know what to say to if I did.

Most of all I miss the person I was five years ago.

Had my heart for the weekend. Not long enough but it was enough to suppress my longing.

End Log.