I spent the day today at CONvergence. It was super fun! Talked to people, saw a really funny movie, watched some nerds just being nerds. I had a great time. Although I'm crazy tired from walking around all day long.
After the Con I stopped off at Galactic to chat with some friends and then walked home. On my way home these women were riding bikes and one of them stopped to tell me I looked good. I thanked her and told her she was very cute and she thanked me. Then her friend rolled up and said, "Don't listen to her, she likes biggies." Then she laughed at me and they rode away.
I don't consider myself either an ugly or attractive man but I am comfortable with myself. These kind of interactions give me pause about my own self worth. I know I shouldn't give things like this wieght but sometimes I can't help myself.
Why is it so horrible to be a bigger man? Why does it make me so undesirable that the idea of any attraction towards me is a laughable thought? I hear women say all the time that they like big guys, blah blah blah. I've never seen anyone I know that has made that statement actually date one. Never.
It propagates the idea of companionship for someone like me to be an idealistic endeavor; something that I can dream about but never truely grasp.
I'm a joke, a punchline, someone to not be taken seriously. Maybe if I had muscles, or money, or a nice car things would be different. NO. Things WOULD be different. I have to be someone I'm not.
I've been a pretty good guy in my life. I'm not perfect and I've made mistakes but I have never intentionally tried to fuck with anyone's life. Maybe that's the wrong approach. Being nice doesn't get you anything but jokes and laughs at your expense. I have the propensity in me to be a douchebag. I choose to not be that way. Meanwhile I see douchebags get everything they want everyday.
Maybe I should just embrace it. Maybe being a prick is what I need to do to be happy.
I think this requires more thought, but honeslty, right now I've had enough.
After the Con I stopped off at Galactic to chat with some friends and then walked home. On my way home these women were riding bikes and one of them stopped to tell me I looked good. I thanked her and told her she was very cute and she thanked me. Then her friend rolled up and said, "Don't listen to her, she likes biggies." Then she laughed at me and they rode away.
I don't consider myself either an ugly or attractive man but I am comfortable with myself. These kind of interactions give me pause about my own self worth. I know I shouldn't give things like this wieght but sometimes I can't help myself.
Why is it so horrible to be a bigger man? Why does it make me so undesirable that the idea of any attraction towards me is a laughable thought? I hear women say all the time that they like big guys, blah blah blah. I've never seen anyone I know that has made that statement actually date one. Never.
It propagates the idea of companionship for someone like me to be an idealistic endeavor; something that I can dream about but never truely grasp.
I'm a joke, a punchline, someone to not be taken seriously. Maybe if I had muscles, or money, or a nice car things would be different. NO. Things WOULD be different. I have to be someone I'm not.
I've been a pretty good guy in my life. I'm not perfect and I've made mistakes but I have never intentionally tried to fuck with anyone's life. Maybe that's the wrong approach. Being nice doesn't get you anything but jokes and laughs at your expense. I have the propensity in me to be a douchebag. I choose to not be that way. Meanwhile I see douchebags get everything they want everyday.
Maybe I should just embrace it. Maybe being a prick is what I need to do to be happy.
I think this requires more thought, but honeslty, right now I've had enough.
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Did you do the putt-putt golf at Convergence? My upstairs neighbors set up that room.