So this morning i trotted off to the lab to give a sperm sample. After all, I need to make certain that I'm firing blanks before we cancel any prescriptions.
So I get there, and the nurse holds up a fairly big vial and says 'can you fill this?'
So naturally I reply 'what, from over here?', which she finds pretty funny. I guess I could also have said 'in about twenty sessions', since the thing holds about a cup.
So she gives me a key to a little room that I can go to spank the monkey, pats me on the hand and, no shit, apologises for the poor quality of the porn they provide. This is a little old lady. Like a grandmotherly little old lady who probably brings in cookies for the staff once a week. And it was bad porn....two year old issues of 'playboy'. I should have brought a laptop and used their wireless collection to bring up a quinne set or something,
So there I am, in a room with, no shit, vinyl wallpaper (did they worry I might just explode in all directions?), and a cheesy vinyl chair to sit in, holding this vial which isn't quite big enough to fit the end of my unit in, trying not to squirt all over the floor. There are two reasons for this: first it would be inconsiderate, and second it would mean ANOTHER three days without sex before I could try again.
The whole thing was just plain surreal. Did I mention there was music? James Blunt. First time I've ever worried about getting it up. I HATE James Blunt. That guy's music is like the anti-viagra.
And then I went to the eye doctor...Where they were playing the new britney album on the office stereo.
Yep, rough day.
So I get there, and the nurse holds up a fairly big vial and says 'can you fill this?'
So naturally I reply 'what, from over here?', which she finds pretty funny. I guess I could also have said 'in about twenty sessions', since the thing holds about a cup.
So she gives me a key to a little room that I can go to spank the monkey, pats me on the hand and, no shit, apologises for the poor quality of the porn they provide. This is a little old lady. Like a grandmotherly little old lady who probably brings in cookies for the staff once a week. And it was bad porn....two year old issues of 'playboy'. I should have brought a laptop and used their wireless collection to bring up a quinne set or something,
So there I am, in a room with, no shit, vinyl wallpaper (did they worry I might just explode in all directions?), and a cheesy vinyl chair to sit in, holding this vial which isn't quite big enough to fit the end of my unit in, trying not to squirt all over the floor. There are two reasons for this: first it would be inconsiderate, and second it would mean ANOTHER three days without sex before I could try again.
The whole thing was just plain surreal. Did I mention there was music? James Blunt. First time I've ever worried about getting it up. I HATE James Blunt. That guy's music is like the anti-viagra.
And then I went to the eye doctor...Where they were playing the new britney album on the office stereo.
Yep, rough day.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
query:
No, couldn't be chicken pox, I got that as a kid. Wanting to read back to understand the sperm sample thing, but not enough time, have to run to work!!
query:
Oh no!! Not the dreaded vasectomy!!! I'm still trying to gather up the $8,000 to get our reversed! 