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chaoticmonkey

Raleigh, North Carolina

Member Since 2006

Followers 58 Following 108

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Saturday Dec 01, 2007

Dec 1, 2007
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An Ode to love...

These words...I can sit here and write about everything you are to me, all the things you have inspired within me. I am the master of emotion you see. I turn anger into love with a wave of my hand. Justify alll that just cannot possibly be justified. Like how you can just ignore what we had become. 33 years of life you have lived. You know what love is like. The demon of unimaginable beauty. On the outside we look like shiny happy people, strutin around with no where to go. But on the inside we reek of decay, of loss and hate and anger and pain. And those who wear this pain on the outside...good for them for they see and understand and accept that this is a horrible pain-filled world. You see, i write this when im suppose to be writing about you because i cannot write about you without writing about how the world has become. You...who have so much beauty on the inside, hidden beneath the waves of a relentless past...struggling not to drown, hold your head up high...as the current drags you deeper down. You are a product of twisted people who have abused all that you are. Taken advantage of the free spirit that roams within you. Your soul was once so pure....but now its tainted by ages past...moments slip....mistakes made...things remembered....abused....misused....your heart so full of love, twisted and wrung until all that love seeps into the ground where it can rest in peace. Did you think we werent meant to be together? Did not all the signs that spoke of everlasting happiness and love not blind you with how bright they were...screaming out....surrounding you with a blanket of silk, whispering of all that could have been.
Ahhh but they did blind you I see....so confused you had become, not being used to true happiness, the feelings that were channeled into you...through you....and onward inside your heart....brightening your soul like a source of electricity. And you did feed on it...dont deny that. You were re-invigorated by the taste of Love...as it stirred you from a long slumber. In some respects i helped you find a reason to live. Im not vain in saying that am I? if you look deep enough. An essence i created.
Remember...i am a master of emotion right? a chaotic field of unending energy that can never be controlled....only manipulated. This field created by you....for you. It exists inside me....forces me to attempt to find a medium by which i can forgive your silence and abuse of me. I told you once that i only wanted you to be happy...so I hope that you are fulfilling my hopes. I will always sacrifice myself for the ones i love..i know that now.
I turn Love into anger when i realize what i have been missing...all my life. How similar we are. I hear songs that remind me of you constantly. I think about you all the time. I remember....how you feel, how you taste. Little things that make you unique. Words you say or things you do. Its what happens when such a bond is build between two people. But anger never stays within me for too long...it is replaced by a sadness. I cant be angry at you for living your life.
Though i admit that i am lonley without you around...I also realize that i will move on. Although...since you, its been tough to find anything that comes remotely close to what we shared.

Ok....so let this poetic rambling be over with.....
-J-RuinedForever

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