So it has been almost a week since I tried to Kill myself...
It was a crazy eye opening experience. Nothing to positive but you know. I tried to OD and shoot myself. Well I guess you cant kill something that doesn't have a life. Hehe I passed out before I could pull the trigger the second time after forgetting to put a round in the chamber the first time. I woke up almost 36 hrs later feeling really shitty and sick. I am okay know which is why I can write about it. The next few days were really strange I even worked one of them. I felt like I wasn't even there like I was running in a dream. The crazy part no one even knew and if they did didn't seem to care. Don't feel sorry for me though I brought it all on myself. I also realized that I want to be one of those people who when they die, they don't even have room in the chapel for all the people to fit. Not the guy that dies alone in his room and is missing for days and no one notices him gone. Like when I tried.
I have decided that I am going to just work on myself. Get back in shape, go back to school and live my life for me a little. I have also decided to to a vow of abstinence. That's right no sex. It just gets in the way of really getting to know some people anyway. I have already slowed down my drinking. Quit smoking. The herb I will do since that keeps my anger at bay for now. See a professional for all the stuff going on in my head. I just really need to take control of my life and getting going the way I want it to go. I forgive myself for all the wrong I have done.
So really awesome news is I get to see my boy tomorrow. I am freakin out. I haven't seen him since that incident with me and the cops. The night I tried to end it all. Today was the first day I talked to him since this all happened. I started to cry during the call. I love that kid. I have butterflies just knowing I get to see him. Shit I am crying now just thinking about it. I just need to make myself someone he thinks of as a hero. We are going to dinner where I work and then who knows. I cant wait I hope I can sleep.
Then on Friday is the NIN and Janes Addiction concert it should be awesome....
Hope everyone else is doing great!
It was a crazy eye opening experience. Nothing to positive but you know. I tried to OD and shoot myself. Well I guess you cant kill something that doesn't have a life. Hehe I passed out before I could pull the trigger the second time after forgetting to put a round in the chamber the first time. I woke up almost 36 hrs later feeling really shitty and sick. I am okay know which is why I can write about it. The next few days were really strange I even worked one of them. I felt like I wasn't even there like I was running in a dream. The crazy part no one even knew and if they did didn't seem to care. Don't feel sorry for me though I brought it all on myself. I also realized that I want to be one of those people who when they die, they don't even have room in the chapel for all the people to fit. Not the guy that dies alone in his room and is missing for days and no one notices him gone. Like when I tried.
I have decided that I am going to just work on myself. Get back in shape, go back to school and live my life for me a little. I have also decided to to a vow of abstinence. That's right no sex. It just gets in the way of really getting to know some people anyway. I have already slowed down my drinking. Quit smoking. The herb I will do since that keeps my anger at bay for now. See a professional for all the stuff going on in my head. I just really need to take control of my life and getting going the way I want it to go. I forgive myself for all the wrong I have done.
So really awesome news is I get to see my boy tomorrow. I am freakin out. I haven't seen him since that incident with me and the cops. The night I tried to end it all. Today was the first day I talked to him since this all happened. I started to cry during the call. I love that kid. I have butterflies just knowing I get to see him. Shit I am crying now just thinking about it. I just need to make myself someone he thinks of as a hero. We are going to dinner where I work and then who knows. I cant wait I hope I can sleep.
Then on Friday is the NIN and Janes Addiction concert it should be awesome....
Hope everyone else is doing great!
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
xox