chaosmachine

Man, I swear I have a seriuos relationship bail switch. I think I'm coming to really enjoy soemones company and want to get close and physcial with them, as in being invlolved emotionally. Then this little pop window in my brains ays that it's just a figment an illusion. As if I am just fabricating these feelings and thuoghts. And that her and I have no connection on any leve, it's just my imagination. At first I always have these wodnerfuil feelings of compassion, lust, fire and fever for the girl I'm about, and the more I think of her themore this sour edge creeps over and darkens my mood. I don't know anymore, if it's posible for me to liek someone for real, or to know if it real. This pool of apathetic-paraniod-pessimism is pulling me under. Why can't I enjoy falling for someone for once. Whats worse is it can affect how I act around the ones I really like, it's so self defeating. I swear at tiems I'm not human