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chandrajudithann

The dirty dirty!

Member Since 2004

Followers 272 Following 43

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Tuesday May 25, 2004

May 25, 2004
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Today I am feeling a bit confused and sad.
whatever
Without going into the whole story I will try my best to explain...
While I was out drinking and drugging I did some pretty horrible stuff. One of which was cheating several times on Matt. Well his bandmates knew the whole story while I was out there on my run and they were pretty upset to say the least. Matt is a good friend of theirs and their fellow bandmate, they are like family.
So since I have been clean I have changed drastically. I no longer operate the way that I did.
I posted a message on Caveat Emptors forum yesterday with an update on how Matt has been at my place sick with mono. I made some sick jokes I admit... confused my bad.
I said he has mono and sounds like he has a cock in his mouth and who has he been kissing.
I decided to check the forum today and see if anyone had posted anything about Saturday's concert. To my surprise I see my name and offensive comments relating to me all over the forum. Really childish shit!
They even made refrence to my past and couldn't even sign their real names. WTF!!!
I know I shouldn't even let them rent this much space in my head however I can't help it!
People outside their little circle could look and see all this shit with my name on it...most of which is not true.
I called Matt and read to him what they posted and he's pissed.
Most of all because he's been so sick and they have not even called to check up on him and now they smear the forum with shit about me and him.
His throat is so swollen that he couldn't even call them to yell at them.
It's taking all of my energy NOT to post back in the forum at them.
The thing that upsets me the most is that I have done so much to help out the promotion of this band. I have helped them out at their shows collecting e-mails for their mailing list. Sending out e-mails, helping out at the merch table.
For whatever reason which I may never ever know they have so much hate towards me. Why can't they just be happy for Matt and I. We have both been through so much and we came out on the other side, together.
I love Matt so mucha and I know that they see that yet they still have to hate and lash out!
Matt says he's sick and tired of the bullshit and might quit the band but I know he won't.
That is the only shot at any kind of meaningful life he has...his music is his talent and Cain and Abel Productions is his ticket.
HELP!
Any feedback on this would be greatly appreaciated.

*Their guitar player is going into the hospital today b/c his throat is almost completely closed shut and they are busy making knock knock jokes in their candyland*
2 words-GROW UP!!! mad
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
beedlebaum:
Best advice i can give is to treat it like a joke...just like the one you made on the site.
It'll show that you've become a bigger person(friends could see the hostility as 'the old you'...even if that is unjustified), and it might make great inroads towards a better friendship with your boyfriends friends.
Sometimes its hard for the friends to accept the person who they think has done their buddy harm, even if he(matt)can see that you've changed....those guys don't get to see that side of you.

I know i don't know you, but i think its good advice, ive been in those situations(and, not to bum you out, but this shit may go on for a while).

May 25, 2004
erikawithak:
they suck.
yes we could cuddle and spoon.
i hope things get better and that your boyfriend feels better too
May 25, 2004

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