Years ago, I was friends with a girl. We had a complicated relationship. We were good friends for awhile, and very briefly, something more.
It was that 'something more' though, that gradually undid it all. It caused feelings neither of us were well equipped to deal with.
Afterwards, we remained friends for several years more, with her putting in a great deal of effort to keep it up. Unfortunately, a creeping depression was taking hold of me, one that would last almost a decade, and lead me to eventually drive away all my friends and people who cared about me through neglect, including her. So complete was I, that it feels as though that part of my life was lived by a completely different person.
Eventually, my neglect led her to stop contacting me, and an accidentally smashed phone led to me losing her number (which wasn't backed up), meaning I couldn't even contact her if I'd wanted to.
Fast forward over eleven years since we last spoke.
I dreamt of her the other night. I can't remember all the details, except to say I woke up sad, and with the pressing need to look her up. She abhored social media when I knew her (and apparently still does), so I wasn't expecting to find anything... except that I did, of a tragic sort.
Her sister just passed away. The remembrance is this weekend, one town over, where her parents still live. While admittedly, I didn't know her sister (meeting her only once), her family was always so kind to me whenever we'd meet, especially her mother, who I imagine must be reeling from the loss.
I am torn... on the one hand, I want to send a letter to the church expressing my condolences to both her, and her family, over the loss of her sister, but on the other hand, it's been a long time. I doubt her family would really even remember me, and while I lost her number ages ago, she still had mine, and that she never reached out anymore after I drove her away means she's certainly moved on. Even my condolences could dredge up feelings she might not care to experience, especially in her time of loss.
I do genuinely want to express my sympathies, but I'm afraid my reasons for doing so are also secretly selfish, and really just me wanting to briefly reconnect with her so I can tell her how sorry I was for letting our friendship wither.
What do any of you think? Should I reach out, or just leave it be? Right now I'm leaning heavily towards just letting it be... but I am curious what any of you think.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
kurtmcgurt:
Send a nice flower arrangement. I don't think the letter would be received in a good manner at this moment.. but flowers would be a great way to get your foot in the door. If she is still interested and knows that you sent the flowers.... .she will reach out to you.. but I don't know shit. Anyway I hope that it goes well. You will probably regret it more if you do nothing .....even if it doesn't work out in your favor ..at least you gave it a shot
skisby:
Send flowers & a brief note of condolence. Let her decide from there.