cfq

well
i'm feeling quite hopeless
i can get online for maybe an hour a day
i spent the last 50mins arguing.
great times, i know.
i'm quite low at this point.
the only that i making me the slightest bit happy is that Allison is back in the area

she and her brother are interested in moving to philadelphia and they've already started looking for large apartments
if they move there, i will probably move w them temporarily so that i can start to work in the city
i think that is my best chance
new jersey has the highest unemployment rates
and these interviews are all ending fruitless and i'm tired of sending resumes and applications and never getting so much as a callback


oh yea, i'm down to about 121lbs. i really need to start getting on the treadmill.
when alli and her brother saw me last night, even in baggie pajama pants and a hoodie, they asked me if i was on crack cause i've lost weight...(only like 20/25lbs)...since they last saw me. her brother is a ballet dancer and he said that he understands me, cause i told them about my little problem, and he said that he has gone through the same things...and he has seen it happen a lot, too.
he said that once i get working and can get busy and out of the house, i should get better. he noticed how antsy i was and jittery...he asked if i took diet pills, i said know...he asked if i have caffeine, i told him i drink a few cups of tea a day...i havent drank tea in a bit though.
i dont know.
i want to cry.