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cfq

Member Since 2008

Followers 164 Following 183

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Monday Feb 23, 2009

Feb 23, 2009
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so, if you read my blogs or talk to me, you know my mom is in the hospital
i dont know if she had the blood transfusion yet. i havent even been able to go over and visit her cause my life is shit and stress and i'm ready to call it quits.
they were working with her all through the night because she gets really high fevers, she's been fighting them since the start of her being bedridden and now they are worried she will suffer brain damage from them, because they are really high and don't go down.
i really don't know how much longer i can deal with anymore stress of any kind.
i'm sitting here, trying not to cry, because i'm just hopeless and floating here. i can't do anything to improve my life and it's just getting to a point where i halfway want to give up.
i came back to NJ to get my feet on the ground.
i've worked so hard to get over my problems, my eating disorder, alcoholism and pills...and i'm trying so hard to stick to my guns and ride this out and hope it gets over with quickly.
i just want to be happy.
it's so hard to be happy anymore.
i've worked so hard to be the person i am now, and no one sees that.
they just see my old mistakes, my missteps...and i'm always being reminded of them.
i just want someone here with me, to comfort me. i've been helping everyone else here. i have gotten nothing in return. i have no money because every last penny i have goes to paying for my mother's house because she can't work. i have nothing but my family and the stresses that come with being a mother. i don't want to be a bad person, i don't want to be who i was...i never want to go back to that.
and it's still not good enough.
i don't know what to do anymore

VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
nexttuesday:
Oh Shera, you're right. It is so very hard to find happiness. But it's there, you just gotta stick to your guns till you can reach it on more of a permanent basis rather than fleeting moments. I'm right there struggling with you. But I never ever fully give up because I just know someday it has got to get better if I just keep I trying.

I love your face. You can get through this.
Feb 23, 2009
trixxx:
I see you for who you are NOW and I like this person!

now lets see those bangs so we can compare <3 xoxox
Feb 25, 2009

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