ok....here is a song to listen to while you read about ME
so, i've been so out of it lately. i have made comments here and there, in chat, in IMs...but really, i guess the stress has been so much for me lately, I don't even remember convos I've had. I've upset people and all I know is that Adrian is nice enough to tell me that someone made a comment to him about me being mean or something...and then I write to who I have offended and apologize, even though, truthfully...I don't know what it was even about. So, everyone, I apologize. Like I told Adrian earlier, I didn't even remember being in chat last night. It's kind of embarassing....like I lost my mind for a moment, or something. I just wanna be the bigger person and say sorry to anyone I've hurt.
my mind hasn't recovered fully and all i have to do at the moment is make decision after decision. i'm kind of keeping my life quiet other than the fact that i'm moving and if people feel left in the dark, welcome it. i'd love to be out of it right now but i dont get the option.
i had no decision making capabilities last night and decided to go out to the clubs. p.s. i didnt even drink until i got to the club and i didn't smoke until i was there, either. i have been clean for a while, so i dont know why i was so out of it for no reason...sorry to go back on it. it's just kinda scary. anyways, i liked the club until it got busier and then i got antsy and i just wished i could hug adrian and leave. i don't like being in big groups of people and i felt so ill. i asked pablo for his car keys and then went outside and threw up, by myself on the road. then, the idiot i am, i felt to ill to be stagnant and i have this thing that if i have booze, etc in me, i have to move to burn it off, so i started to walk. i was hoping to find a store that was open but i didnt. anyways, i walked for like 10mins, turned around and amazingly didnt get lost. when i got back to the car, i curled up on the backseat and passed out. don't smack me. the windows are heavily tinted and i had the remote for the alarm in my hand the whole time, so the doors were locked and i was safe. anyways, yea... i'm over clubs. i say that everytime i go and then people beg me until i do. whatever. its my last full weekend in miami, may as well be a retard and make an ass of myself.
less than a week and i move from miami. less than a week after that, i get to spend a lot of time with Adrian and I'm so happy for that fact. it is what is pushing me to get organized.
well, my belly hurts. and i'm tired of thinking. i feel like i'm losing my mind and like...i'm on some weird trip in my head.....really weird for me.
so, i've been so out of it lately. i have made comments here and there, in chat, in IMs...but really, i guess the stress has been so much for me lately, I don't even remember convos I've had. I've upset people and all I know is that Adrian is nice enough to tell me that someone made a comment to him about me being mean or something...and then I write to who I have offended and apologize, even though, truthfully...I don't know what it was even about. So, everyone, I apologize. Like I told Adrian earlier, I didn't even remember being in chat last night. It's kind of embarassing....like I lost my mind for a moment, or something. I just wanna be the bigger person and say sorry to anyone I've hurt.
my mind hasn't recovered fully and all i have to do at the moment is make decision after decision. i'm kind of keeping my life quiet other than the fact that i'm moving and if people feel left in the dark, welcome it. i'd love to be out of it right now but i dont get the option.
i had no decision making capabilities last night and decided to go out to the clubs. p.s. i didnt even drink until i got to the club and i didn't smoke until i was there, either. i have been clean for a while, so i dont know why i was so out of it for no reason...sorry to go back on it. it's just kinda scary. anyways, i liked the club until it got busier and then i got antsy and i just wished i could hug adrian and leave. i don't like being in big groups of people and i felt so ill. i asked pablo for his car keys and then went outside and threw up, by myself on the road. then, the idiot i am, i felt to ill to be stagnant and i have this thing that if i have booze, etc in me, i have to move to burn it off, so i started to walk. i was hoping to find a store that was open but i didnt. anyways, i walked for like 10mins, turned around and amazingly didnt get lost. when i got back to the car, i curled up on the backseat and passed out. don't smack me. the windows are heavily tinted and i had the remote for the alarm in my hand the whole time, so the doors were locked and i was safe. anyways, yea... i'm over clubs. i say that everytime i go and then people beg me until i do. whatever. its my last full weekend in miami, may as well be a retard and make an ass of myself.
less than a week and i move from miami. less than a week after that, i get to spend a lot of time with Adrian and I'm so happy for that fact. it is what is pushing me to get organized.
well, my belly hurts. and i'm tired of thinking. i feel like i'm losing my mind and like...i'm on some weird trip in my head.....really weird for me.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
brilliantfiasco:
I just wanted to come and personally thank you for the advice and kind words. 
I read your blog and Im so over clubs too. I never really went to them but Ive never been one for big groups of people with loud music unless it was a concert, and it would have to be a band I really really liked. I would much prefer a small group of friends, a few beers and a hockey game on the tv. Cheers.
I read your blog and Im so over clubs too. I never really went to them but Ive never been one for big groups of people with loud music unless it was a concert, and it would have to be a band I really really liked. I would much prefer a small group of friends, a few beers and a hockey game on the tv. Cheers.
nexttuesday:
i bet you do. itll be so good when you two see each other again 