So here's a big sappy post.
Ever since I was about 13 years old and started getting into the alternative side of life - I wanted to be a suicide girl. I thought they were so cool. Like, immediately became fascinated by them. I even fake applied cause I wasn't 18 to see if I had the look they wanted. (Sorry :s)
So considering I was pretty different looking to everyone else all through high school, I was bullied and all that stuff, I was around 80 - 90 kgs so I was called fat and emo and whatever else, oh also being a natural redhead helped a lot with the bullying too. But my bullying story is a story for a different time. The point is, I have never been in a community/social group where I have not been looked at weirdly for having metal in my face and ink in my skin. Including my family. They HATE my tattoos and piercings. Not all of my family but at least 3 quarters of them. ANYWAY.
It wasn't until last year that I thought about applying for suicide girls again, because that's when I finally lost my weight, got more tattoos, gained some self-confidence and I thought I'd give it ago. I applied and was accepted and I cried. Like that's a big thing. I see the girls on this site and I would look at them in envy because I thought I could NEVER do that. But I was still cautious as hell because I still have this complex of not being good enough? So it took me a while to actually work up the courage to shoot. I did a little practice one with a friend and I was instantly comfortable being naked in front of the camera. And then the Brisbane shootfest was coming up, so I decided to get in contact with @atlanticlungs to organise a shoot. Holy shit was I nervous. I was like man, this is real now. So I booked another shoot with @coolicio, which was my first shoot at the brisbane shootfest.
When I got to the shootfest I was shaking. So bad. And then I saw everyone and my mind was like "what are you doing here Andrea, just no" but I did it. And the results were pretty amazing.
I felt pretty good about myself. And all the girls at the shootfest were so supportive and lovely and it was just super comfortable. It was a really fun time.
Admittedly, I'm still fucking nervous about the release of my first set, I have no idea how it will go, hopefully good! But sometimes I just look at myself and I just feel like I don't compare to most of these girls, they're just like, perfect. My self-esteem is constantly fluctuating - sometimes I feel like I'm good enough for SG, some days I don't. But I'm hoping being a part of this community will maybe help me feel like I do sort of belong somewhere.
To me, SG isn't about showing off my body to other people, its about learning to see myself through the eyes of other people. And learning to be okay with what I look like. It's about fitting in, and being accepted for who you are, and being able to accept yourself for who you are.
So I would like to say a massive thank you to EVERYONE in the SG community, especially to @coolicio and @atlanticlungs for being amazing photographers and making me feel super cute and comfortable, and helping me along this journey, a big thank you to @exkyu and @countessa for all their support and amazingness they bring to the community. The Australian SG community would not be what it is today without @vorpal and the amount of effort she puts in for us girls. Another massive thank you to @arachnie @aubrey @stardusst @bane @arcadia and all the other girls (sorry I couldn't tag you all!) for all their support and love through this journey, I wouldn't be able to do this without any of you, and especially @missy for even having this opportunity.
And finally, the biggest thank you to my partner, Coen. Who loves me no matter what, and I love him no matter what. He gives me the strength to do these sort of things, he makes me feel like I am good enough, and without that, I don't know if I would have ever joined SG.
