cenerentola

So, I'm moving back to my parents' house. My father and I have been on really rocky ground for a while because I'm an independant responsible woman who doesn't feel the need to be home at midnight. It got really really bad and my fiance's parents offered to let me move in with them, which I did. My dad hasn't spoken to me since I left. I sent him a father's day card, which he never opened. I called him on his birthday, no reply. I really didn't know what else to do. I went through the "I hate my father/my father hates me" thing and I'm over it. I love my dad. He loves me. I want to get along with him and I want him to be at my wedding. So, I'm going back to live with him and my mom. It'll be really rocky I know but hopefully, it will be better .
My real problem is: I won't be living with Timmy anymore. I've gotten so used to sleeping with this man, I'm not even saying anything sexual, just sleeping next to him with my arm draped over him, smelling him, feeling his warmth on my icy cold skin. I can't even think about waking up in the morning and not seeing him laying there. It's too scary. He woke me up crying two nights ago saying how much he was going to miss me. What do I do with that? How to I cope with knowing that while I'm trying to fix things with one man in my life, the father of my children yet to be born is going to be heartbroken?
I told my mother that I was still going to sleep over once in a while and she made a face. Saying that moving back in with her was going to give me so much. Yes, this is true. I get to go back to school, I get a car, I get health insurance, and my dogs. But here's the thing: I started my life over again here. All I had was Timmy in my arms, and I'm giving that up until we can afford to get our own place. I dunno. I'm really sad.